#I rambled a bit here but you should see what i deleted

[oli-ribbun-ver]

TADC Ep 4 Ramble! (?)

OKAY!! ive been wanting to yap about this for a while so!!

FIRST!! what finally got me to make this post!

the difference between how jax and ragatha worded it when they said something about gangle being happy!!

as you can see here, jax says "I like you better when you're sad."

but why am i thinking about this so much?

jax doesn't really say "i hate when youre happy," or anything of that sort! he just says "i like you better when you're sad." is there really that much of a difference? well, yes!

there's actually a BIG difference!

"I hate when you're happy," would mean that Jax ONLY likes Gangle when she's sad and that he makes her sad BECAUSE she's happy, which isn't the case!

We KNOW that Jax doesn't do it because he dislikes when she's happy (although that MIGHT be the case, he definitely doesnt overall HATE when she's happy) because he says in Ep 1;

"I'm fine with doing whatever, as long as I get to see funny things happen to people."

AND at the beginning of Ep 3, he has absolutely no issue with her being happy in any way. You can even visually see the reason he throws her mask is because he thinks it's funny.

(he literally dgaf)

Hell, you can tell he wasn't even considering throwing her mask until Gangle mentioned the doors and he was like "oh stars yknow what would be funny..."

oh stars wait i didnt know there was a pic limit hokd on

okay had to delete some SORYR wait does fhis mean this has to be a seperate part thing??? how do i even do fhat... oh dear... THATS OKAY ILL FIGURE IT OUT!! anyways

I'm sure you get my point! Yes, in Ep 2, he seems a bit happier with her being sad, he LITERALLY SAYS "Aren't you supposed to be submissive and agreeable?", but also remember he SPECIFICALLY says

"I like you better when you're sad." not that he ONLY likes her when she's sad, which is kinda my point with this.

Now, what makes it so different to Ragatha's comment about her being happy?

"You're kind of annoying when you have your happy mask."

Yeah. Kind of a big difference.

She just straight up says she thinks Gangle is annoying when she has her happy mask.

It can be argued that it's because Ragatha was hit with the good ol' stupid sauce, but if you haven't noticed, it's not that it made her stupid(although it sorta did), it just made her brutally honest with how she felt.

Gangle already knows that Ragatha is a people pleaser. Kind of everyone knows that. But regardless, Gangle considers Ragatha a friend. Sure, she could've expected it from Jax, but from RAGATHA?

Yeah. I wouldn't expect it either.

Because again, unlike Jax, Ragatha says she finds Gangle annoying when she's happy. Jax does not. And we know Jax is typically at least somewhat honest about how he feels. He literally has no reason to lie to Gangle about that, though. Like literally no reason.

"I like you better when you're sad" is a BIG difference than "You're kind of annoying when you have your happy mask."

Before anyone mentions it, although yes Ragatha DOES say happy MASK, Gangle doesn't exactly show she's sad when she has her happy mask on. She seems happier than when she doesn't have it, but we can pretty confidently assume that's not the case. I'll get into her mask later, though.

Regardless, what we know so far is that nobody really knows her happy mask doesn't actually make her happy except (now) Pomni and MAYBE Zooble.

Although I sorta doubt the Zooble thing because Ep 4 allowed us to learn that Gangle has a bigger mood drop the longer she's 'happy' for, since happiness isn't what she truly feels most of the time.

OKAY next post so i can put more images.

[dolamrothianlady]

I sat down and noted everything that I've posted to A03 and not here and it's quite a bit so I'm thinking tomorrow I may start slowly cross-posting here.

I've been absent from here for aaaages so I'll forgo the tags for now cause I'm so painfully aware of how long it's been (oh god two years) but if you're reading this and wanna be tagged feel free to comment and let me know! It's masses of McCoy, a sprinkling of Kirk, and some Kennex as well.

McCoy really got the lions share.

I figure I'll finish The Arrangement first (four parts to post) and go from there, but I'm wildly tempted to post my current favourite here tonight. Maybe I'll crumble and post it soon, maybe I'll fall asleep immediately after some Stardew. Who knows? Not me.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Faking It | Jeon Jungkook | Chapter Two

Summary: Seeing him again happened sooner than you thought it would but absolutely no one is complaining. Pairing: f!reader (30) x Single Dad Jungkook (33) (Arranged Marriage Slow Burn?) Word Count: 9.8k Warnings: Talking about Jungkook's wife who passed away in childbirth (Doesn't talk about her death but yeah) a/n: Took me three months but we're finally here 😭 And if any of you saw me post this and delete it...no you didn't. I posted it on my reblogs account on accident so sorry if that teased you a bit 😅 Anyways I hope this was worth the wait 😭 p.s. I only read through this once when I completed it so have mercy on me if there are typos

I wake up naturally this morning and it's honestly one of the best feelings in my opinion. Not having to worry about being woken up out of a sound sleep shows me that it's going to be a good day.

As I yawn and rub the sleep out of my eyes I hear my phone vibrate on my nightstand, telling me I have a new message. I roll over and reach for it lazily to check and when I read the sender's name I immediately shoot up, causing Salem to dart off the bed. "Sorry Salem" I call after him but then when I go back to read the message my heart is already beating out of my chest.

'Good morning y/n I hope you slept well. How are you?' a simple yet inviting message from the man I just met last night. Who knew waking up to good morning texts would still feel this good at the ripe age of thirty?

'Good morning Jungkook! I slept like a baby, best sleep I've gotten in a while actually. I just woke up so, so far so good. How are you? How's Juni? Did you guys sleep alright?' I send and at a second glance I can see how completely whipped I am for this man already. Why am I rambling on and on about sleep? I could've just said 'I slept well, I hope you did as well' or something like that.

'That's good, I'm glad to hear! Juni and I slept alright. She actually only woke up an hour ago which is unheard of since she's usually knocking on my door at six am. She's been talking about you since she woke up' he sends back and my heart flutters, loving that I've made that big of an impression on her already.

I check the time and see that it's already nine am which is a record time for me to sleep as well since I'm usually up by seven most days. Then again it's not everyday that you get to spend the night with a man like him...

Wait! That's not what I meant!

'She can't stop talking about going shopping for butterflies so I wanted to see if we could set up a time soon. Maybe this weekend if you're free?' he suggests and I have to restrain myself from kicking my feet, just thinking about this man asking to see me again, disguised by his daughter wanting to get butterfly decorations for her room.

'This weekend sounds perfect! I'm free tomorrow as well so either day is fine' I offer up and face palm, scolding myself for being too eager. 'Tomorrow sounds great! Should we meet around eleven? Juni and I would love to take you out to lunch if you'd like. You know, to thank you for the help' he sends and I can't help but think that maybe he's a little nervous too.

'Eleven it is! Should I meet you guys there? There's a shop that I'm sure Juni will love and it'll definitely have what we're looking for!' I send and I can see the bubbles popping up to show that he's typing but they go up and down a couple more times. He'll type for a little and then stop and type again and I can only hope that I didn't say something wrong in suggesting where to go.

When a few minutes go by I decide it's best to get out of bed and get a cup of coffee. That'll wake up my brain a little more and help me hopefully not make as much of a fool of myself while texting him.

I find Salem perched on top of his cat tree, still a little jumpy from me having scared him but I think it's made him playful more than anything as I watch his tail flick back and forth while he watches me walk up to him.

"I'm sorry for scaring you" I apologize again, scratching his between his ears but when I feel my phone vibrating over and over in my hand I jump again making him climb down off his cat tree and scurry under the couch. I sigh and scold myself as a result before taking a look at my phone, seeing an incoming call from Jungkook.

I almost drop it after reading his name but catch and answer before I end up dropping it.

"Hello?" I ask, slightly out of breath from the scare but try to hide it as best as I can. "Hi pretty lady!" I hear Juni call out in the distance, the phone no doubt on speaker phone. "Good morning Juni! How are you little one?" I ask, feeling more at ease talking to her first and my question awards me with a little giggle before she continues.

"I'm good! Daddy says we're going to a special store to pick out the butterflies for my room! Is that right?" she asks, clear excitement laced all throughout her tone. "Yes that's right Juni we are! Does that sound alright to you?" I ask and I can clearly hear how she's jumping from excitement from how punctuated her voice sounds now as she chants "Yes" over and over again.

"I wish we could go right now!" she says, her excitement too difficult to contain at the moment which makes me smile knowing that she wants to go right away. 

"Patience Juni, tomorrow isn't too far away" I hear Jungkook's voice coming through now and it makes my breath hitch, forgetting the fact that he had been there all along. He wasn't kidding when he said that Juni grabs everyone's attention right away. Given the chance I'm sure she would've talked to me for hours if her dad hadn't reminded her.

"That's right Juni, only one more sleep until tomorrow" I say and I can hear a little gasp from the other side. "Does that mean I can go to sleep right now and then we can go?" she asks, not understanding the concept entirely.

"Not unless you want to sleep for twenty four hours silly" he says and I hear a fit of giggles that could only mean that he might've tickled her but after a few seconds it's calmed down.

"How long is twenty four hours?" she asks, a constant roulette of questions gearing up if he doesn't answer this question correctly.

"You know how you woke up yesterday, went to school, came home, played with your toys, got ready, went to meet Ms. y/n, came back home, went to bed and woke up this morning?" he lists off and I can tell she's probably nodded her head all throughout his explanation.

"Yes?" she responds in a questioning tone, waiting for him to get to the point. "Well that's how long twenty four hours is" he responds and I hear jumping again once he's finished before an excited Juni calls out. "Does that mean we get to go see Ms. y/n again when I get home from school?" she asks and my heart melts at her excitement.

"Juni, we're seeing her tomorrow remember. I'm sure Ms. y/n is very busy tonight" he says and I hear a sad "Oh" from her and I contemplate my next words carefully before going for it. "Juni, would it be okay if I talked to your Daddy for a second?" I ask and I can hear her let out a disheartened 'Okay' before Jungkook takes the phone off speaker.

"Hey y/n, sorry she's a little hyper this morning" he says and I smile at his efforts to apologize for Juni's adorable disposition. "No that's okay, I love talking to her! She's a cutie" I say and he hums, "Try living with her" he counters and I smile, knowing that her excitable attitude might get a little tiring sometimes.

"I wanted to ask you if you would like to do something today after Juni gets home from school? Maybe meet you at the park? I forgot to give you Juni's dress last night after I washed it. I have to go back to my parent's house to pick it up anyway and theres a park around the corner. It's your call though. I don't want to go against what you told her" I say, rambling off nervously again but this time over the phone instead of texting and I regret ever offering it in the first place.

Why am I so freaking awkward?

"You sure you don't mind? I could always just get it from you tomorrow? I don't want to inconvenience you or anything" he says, giving me a chance to back out but not saying no to me, giving me a vote of confidence. "I wouldn't have offered if I minded" I say with a smile in my tone and he takes another second to think before giving me his response.

"She gets off at three, does that work for you or should we meet up later?" he asks and my heart skips a beat, knowing that I'll get to see him again so soon. "That sounds great, you can meet me at my parent's house if you'd like? The park isn't too far away so we can leave our cars and walk there" I offer and he takes a couple of seconds to think again before saying anything else.

"Juni, do you wanna go see Ms. y/n after school?" he asks and I can hear her little feet running around this time and repeating her response of ceaseless Yes's again. "Well I guess we'll see you later then. I can bring some food for us to take to the park if you'd like?" he offers and I shake my head before remembering that thankfully he can't see me in my sleepy state.

"No that's okay I got it covered. You already said you guys are taking me to lunch tomorrow so the least I could do is bring us food to share at the park today. Plus, I'm the one who suggested it in the first place" I explain and he chuckles before agreeing.

"Alright, thank you y/n. Should we show up around four then?" he asks, giving them time to make their way over after picking her up from school. "Four sounds perfect, I'll see you then!" I say and he calls Juni over to say goodbye. "Bye Pretty Lady! See you after school!" she giggles. 

I swear I'm never going to tire of her excitable disposition.

"Goodbye Juni! Have a good day and listen to your teachers okay?" and I can hear a faint 'I will' in the background, no doubt from her running off to do something. "Thanks again y/n, I know she's going to be so excited to see you today...we both are" he adds at the end and my heart skips at his confession. "Me too" I say quietly and we finish up our goodbye's before quickly hanging up.

I slowly walk over to the couch as to not scare Salem this time, grab the pillow next to me, put it over my face and scream into it. Although I tried to muffle it I still end up scaring him making him run off to my room, no doubt planning to be wary of me for the rest of the day but that's okay.

I get to see them again, I get to see him again.

I really hope I'm not wrong about thinking that there might actually be something between us already, something about this just feels right. I don't want to rush into this too quickly though since we don't really know much about each other. I want to take things slow and hopefully he does too.

Well...I hope he'll want to take things further but you never know, a man like him is sure to have a lot of options, right? I just don't want to set myself up for heartbreak. Gotta keep it together and not get too vulnerable with him, even if it feels like I should. 

I've already let him in a little, and he's definetly let me in a lot with letting me spend so much time with his daughter but I don't know, I guess only time will tell what's going to happen between us.

If there's going to be an 'us'.

~~~~~

The day drags on as I unconsciously count down the hours until I get to see them again but it seems as though time is standing still.

I've spent most of my day editing the pictures I took for a family friend's wedding since that's usually how I get my clients these days. I know someone who knows someone who needs a photographer and my rates are pretty fairly priced so they tend to hire me.

Going through picture after picture and seeing how happy they look together makes me wonder what it would be like to be truly happy with someone like this. Be so openly and obviously in love that no one can say otherwise.

As time ticks by though my mind wanders off until I realize I only have about an hour to get ready before I have to meet them.

"Shit!" I say aloud and get up to hopefully make myself look presentable enough, luckily I took a shower this morning so we're all set on that front. I still need to figure out something for us to eat while at the park though and if I had paid attention to the time it would've been a brilliant idea.

The only option I have left is to phone a friend.

"Y/n? Is something wrong?" my mom asks, the call on speakerphone while I try to fix my hair. "Well depends on if you can help me or not" I say and I hear her sigh. "Please tell me you didn't end up in jail" she says and I scoff at her obviously sarcastic remarks.

"Very funny mom, but for your information no I did not end up in jail. This is seriously something I need help with though. Are you busy right now?" I ask, hoping and praying her answer is no. "No I'm pretty much free for the rest of the day, why?" she responds and I let out a huge sigh before responding.

"Good! Can you do me a favor and throw together a picnic lunch for three? Well...two and a half" I ask, not wanting to give up who it's for but by her gasp I can tell she already knows. "Are you and Jungkook seeing each other again already?" she asks, and I can tell her eyes are as wide as saucers with her hand over her mouth, her reactions being the same since I was a child.

"Yes" I say, giving a one worded response leaving me turning down the volume on my phone when I hear her squealing. "This is incredible! See I knew you two would hit it off! I can hear the church bells ringing already" she says, jumping to conclusions as she always does.

"Mom can you please get the food ready for me?" I plead, going back to the topic at hand while putting some makeup on, nothing too crazy but not wanting to over or under compensate. "Yes yes of course. Leave it to me!" and before I can say another word she's hanging up the phone. "Well that was easy" I say to myself before going to my closet to pick out what to wear.

As I'm flipping through my options I see Salem come out of the darkness, scaring me half to death leaving me scoffing seconds later, realizing he's given me a taste of my own medicine "Okay I guess I deserved that one huh?" I say to him and he meows in response.

"Okay Salem this one, or this one" I say, placing my options in front of him and he sniffs both before swatting at the one he's chosen. "You don't think a sun dress is too much?" I ask and he meows almost as if he was telling me to trust him and so I laugh and give in.

"I hope Juni likes it" I mumble to myself, quickly throwing it on and rushing to finish getting ready. A few minutes later I'm giving Salem a couple tummy rubs like I always do and rushing out the door, praying that I'll get there on time.

The drive to my parent's house seems like it's taking ten times longer than usual and I'm constantly glancing at the clock, making sure that I won't be late but thankfully I get there with plenty of time to spare.

"Hurry up they'll be here any minute!" my mom says, practically having babysat the door to make sure I arrive first. "Nice to see you too" I mumble, never getting a proper hello from her anymore. "The basket is on the table and I put a blanket in there as well" she says rushing me over to where she's put it and it's at that moment she finally notices my appearance.

"You really like him don't you?" she ask, smugness laced in her tone as her efforts of matchmaking are slowly succeeding. "No! Yes...I don't know" I deny but I backtrack immediately since I really do like him. "I haven't been interested in anyone in years and so I don't want to try too hard but I don't know" I somewhat admit to myself, as well my mom that I'm really starting to warm up to the idea of being with someone again.

"It's okay love, he hasn't been with anyone in a really long time either" she says and I furrow my brow, "How do you know that?".

"Well Mrs. Jeon and I were talking about it last night and it seems like ever since his wife died he's been really closed off to love or the idea of dating again. He's tried a few times but they never went beyond a second or third date" she relays and I nod my head, distracting myself with looking through all of the things she had placed in the basket. 

I try not to let any expression spread across my face since I don't know how to feel. I don't want to say I'm happy that things didn't work out between him and another woman but it's also sad to think about how Jungkook might've felt when his wife passed in such a traumatic way.

"Thank you for telling me but I think I should start learning more about him when he feels comfortable talking to me about it. It's only fair right? I'm sure he hasn't asked too much about me and my past so I guess shouldn't either" I say and walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"But he has" she says when my mouth is full making me spit it into the sink that was thankfully right in front of me. "He what?" I cough, trying to compose myself as I learn this tidbit of information. "He has asked about you. In fact I was on the phone with her right before you got here" I grab a paper towel to dab off whatever water I have left on me but before I'm able to respond we hear the doorbell ringing.

"I'll get it" she say knowingly, giving me another second to calm down before I have to face him. I take a few deep breaths, fix my hair and check my reflection as best as I can in the smudged steel finish on the fridge while listening to my mother greet them at the door.

While Jungkook and my mother exchange a few words I peek around the corner and notice Juni slightly tugging on my mom's pant leg. "Excuse me but where's the pretty lady?" she asks and I have to hold back the coos I want to let out so badly, my heart already a puddle at the sight of her pleading eyes wanting to see me.

"Why don't you go look for her?" she says and when Jungkook looks up his eyes meet mine immediately for just a second but long enough to know my cover is blown. I duck back into the kitchen to hide, convincing myself that he didn't see me when he clearly did. 

"Go on" he says softly when Juni no doubt looks up at him for approval and my mother follows behind her as Juni walks in the completely opposite direction from where I am, my mom trailing behind her, giving no hints and letting her explore on her own.

I assume that Jungkook follows them but when I hear what sound like his footsteps get closer and not further away I tiptoe my way into the pantry, completely mortified that I know now for a fact that he caught me staring at them.

I close the door almost all the way and ten seconds later I watch as his form passes by the little crack in the doorway and I hold my breath as if that might help but there's only one way in and one way out of this kitchen and both him and I know that.

Why did I even hide? What was I thinking? Way to start things off on the right foot.

While I'm busy scolding myself I forget to pay attention and stumble back when he opens the door. "Got ya" he chuckles and I clear my throat, "Yeah I uh, I guess you did" I say, trying to lean back against one of the shelves, stumbling over a box instead but quickly recovering.

"Why are you hiding?" he chuckles, leaning up against the door frame and crossing his arms making me look down and notice how one of them is completely covered in tattoos. I had never specifically been attracted to tattoos before but on him...

I lose track of what he had said and only realize I had left a lull in the conversation when he clears his throat. "Oh I-" I start off but when I hear my mother and Juni's voices in the other room I grab his shirt and pull him in, making him stumble inside, closing the door right away.

It's only when he hits the switch to turn the light on that I realize what I had done.

"I-" I try to apologize but when I look up at him I notice that there's something in the way he's looking at me that I have never seen before, making my words die in my throat. We stand there for what feels like hours but had only been mere moments just observing each other, watching those small changes of expressions and I start to feel dizzy under his gaze. 

The tension between us clear and building but it's only when he opens his mouth to say something that the door is thrown open and we're met with a squeal from Juni. She runs into the closet and grabs onto Jungkook's leg making him stumble forward and as a result pins me against the shelf, his hands resting on either side of me.

It's like the universe is playing some sort of sick and twisted joke on us, constantly putting us in situations like these and yet we had only just become reacquainted with each other last night. 

"I found you!" Juni squeals again, giggles as her cries of victory and she soon pulls on Jungkook's leg to try and separate us. 

"Daddy I wanna play with the pretty lady" Juni pouts and in her efforts of trying to pull him off of me he actually loses his footing and stumbles, our bodies fully flush against each other now, his face just inches away from mine. 

I blink up at him and he does the same to me, both of us frozen and not really knowing what to do. It's only when my mother chimes in and asks Juni to come with her to get a snack that that little bubble that had formed around us had been popped.

"I...sorry... I uh, tripped...you know...with Juni and everything" he says, fumbling his words like a school boy, taking a few steps back to be at a respectful distance again. "Yeah no it's fine. I um, I shouldn't have pulled you in here in the first place" I admit and he smirks, remembering the point that lead us up to the little predicament we're in. 

"Why did you pull me in here?" he smiles, glancing over at where my mom has Juni plopped down on the kitchen counter with a popsicle in her hand. "I take hide and seek very seriously" I explain, me being the one crossing my arms now and he chuckles at my lame excuse for my actions but accepts it anyways. 

"Right" he says and offers me a hand to lead me out which I reluctantly accept.

"Mom she'll spoil her dinner" I say, scolding her with Juni just lost in the flavor and sheer size of it. To be fair it looks adorable in her little hands. "It's alright, a little sugar won't hurt her. Plus we're still going to the park right?" he asks and I look at him and nod. "Right" I agree and lift Juni off the counter to set her on her feet. 

"Hi Miss y/n" she says with a bright smile with her lips and tongue stained a bright shade of red from the cherry flavor. "Hi Juni" I say and fix her little sun dress that she's wearing, it's almost as if we had planned to match and when she notices me straightening out her dress she look at mine and also notices the similarity right away. 

"Look Daddy! Miss y/n and I are matching!" she says with the toothiest grin I've ever seen, her front two teeth standing out just a little bit more making it another cute little trait she shares with her father. Although who knows if she'll keep that once she starts losing her teeth I think to myself and quickly fix her hair as well since it's gotten a bit ruffled in the excitement of it all. 

"That's right baby, you both look so beautiful" he says making my heart skip a beat. When I look over at him he's giving me a similar adoring look he gave Juni just moments ago making it even harder for me to not melt into a puddle. 

I'm beginning to notice that these two really know how to tug on a person's heartstrings, it's almost as if it were as easy as breathing and that's something that's gonna take a while to get used to. 

"Can we go to the park now, please?" Juni asks, her eyes going back and forth between the two of us and when I look over at Jungkook he nods. "Sure, are you ready?" I ask, turning back to Juni and she jumps up and down and chants 'Yes' over and over again like she had done this morning on the phone. 

"Alright let's go" I say and with one hand clutching her popsicle for dear life she uses the other one to grab mine and drag me towards the front door. 

"Juni be careful" Jungkook scolds but I turn back towards him and assure him not to worry and I can see how he relaxes at that. She's a little bouncing ball of sunshine, emphasis on the bouncing since she can hardly sit still most of the time unless she's eating, and even then she's dancing around and smiling happily. I swear if this girl gets any sweeter I'm gonna start getting a toothache.

I let go of Juni's hand while my mother entertains her so we can make sure we have everything before we head out and when I try to turn around to grab my cardigan Jungkooks already grabbing it and holding it out to help me put it on. "Oh! I can-" "I know" he cuts me off but doesn't make any moves to give it to me so I turn my back to him and let him do as he pleases, sliding it up my arms and over my shoulders.

He runs his hands down my arms, no doubt as an excuse to smooth it all out but it causes a slight shiver to run through my system and he let's go, surprised at the reaction. 

"You sure you're gonna be warm enough?" he asks, a hint of amusement laced in his tone making my cheeks heat up but I nod my head and quickly rush over to the table where the basket is so I don't have to face him but he takes it from me as soon as my fingers brush the handle, making our hands touch. 

"I can carry that" I counter and he shakes his head, "No I'll carry it, someone's gotta hold Juni's hand while we walk there" he says, clearly delegating our respective duties and I smile and nod again. "Deal" and at that we're out the door. 

~~~~

"Higher Daddy higher!" Juni squeals while Jungkook pushes her on the swing, his arms no doubt getting a little tired since she's been on it for the past ten minutes now and I can see he's losing momentum with every push. 

"Daddy's tired Juni. Can you swing on your own now? You know, just like I taught you" he suggests and she thinks about it for a second before saying a quick 'Okay' and clumsily moving her legs back and forth to keep the momentum going.

I smile as I watch Jungkook stumble over towards where I've been sitting on the blanket and watching them, adoring their father daughter relationship. "You're so good with her" I praise when he sits down and hand him a cold water bottle which he accepts right away and downs half of it. 

"You think so?" he asks, always unsure of himself but I couldn't think of a more perfect father than him. "I know so. She's lucky to have a loving devoted father like you" I say and he smiles softly, grabing one of the strawberries that my mother had packed for us. 

"You flatter me" he says, a slight blush blooming on his cheeks making me feel almost smitten with him. "It's the truth" I reenforcing what I've said and he shakes his head, finishing off the fruit in his mouth.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough, you know? Like there's only so much I could give her" he says and I can tell from how his body language has changed that he's really thinking about how he wishes her mother could be here for her too.

"What was her name?" I ask and he looks at me curiously, not knowing that I'm on the same page as him yet. "Your wife, what was her name?" I say tentatively but when he registers it I quickly backtrack. "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me that. I just figured that you might've been well..." I trail off and we sit there in silence watching Juni swing back and forth, back and forth until he decides to speak up. 

"Julie" he says softly, as if it had been years since he had spoken it. "Her name was Julie" he says softly and when I look over at him I can see the melancholy expression he's trying to hide. "That's a beautiful name, did you want Juni's name to sound similar to her's?" I ask, not wanting to make this conversation go dark but knowing that talking about her might cheer him up.

"Well, kinda. We wanted something that combined both of our names. It's silly, I know" he mumbles getting bashful about it. "It's not silly, it's wonderful to see in a way that both you and Juni are still carrying her with you everyday. It's a beautiful way to pay tribute to her" I reassure him and he smiles at me, mouthing a silent thank you. 

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have pried" I apologize again, seeing that it still has him feeling down. "No it's okay, it's nice to talk about her every once in a while. Thank you, for that" him now reassuring me and I nod, both of us left in silence for a while before Juni runs up to us. 

"Daddy what's wrong?" she asks, seeing the clearly deflated Jungkook as she gets closer and it's good to see that instead of brushing it off like it's nothing he doesn't hesitate to tell her how he's feeling. "I'm just a little sad, Ms. y/n and I were just talking about Mommy" he explains and she gets almost a look of understanding which is surprising for someone of her age. 

"Please don't be sad Daddy, remember you said Mommy is always watching over us right?" she say, giving him the talk that he's clearly had with her a time or two. "Right" he say, brightening up just a bit. "And she wouldn't want to see us sad when we think about her right?" she continues, an slightly stern tone creeping up which makes both Jungkook and I smile. "Right" he echos again and she nods her head in agreement. 

"You always tell me to look in the mirror and touch my nose, and my ears and my lips and everything else that you say reminds you of her and you tell me that she'll always be right here with me. So that means when I'm here with you she's here too right?" she asks again and he chuckles. 

"When did you get so smart?" he says, grabbing her and starts tickling her, making her squirm all over the place and when he finally has mercy on her and she catches her breath she answers, "Well I am turning five soon" she says matter-o-factly and I can't help but chuckle at that. "Oh right, how could I forget" he over exaggerates  and she giggles, grabbing his shoulder before leaning in to whisper something. 

"Daddy can we show the pretty lady a picture of Mommy?" she says almost at full volume leaving him flinching back. It's adorable how she still hasn't figured out this whole whispering thing. "Sure baby" he obliges and pulls out his phone, picking out one and handing it to her so she can show it to me. 

She surprises me by plopping down in my lap and putting the phone way too close to my face. "This is my Mommy, her name is Julie" she says proudly and my heart can't help but ache thinking this is the only way she's known her mother. "She's beautiful Juni" I say, putting my hand on top of her hand that's holding the phone and pulling it back so I can see the picture properly. 

"You really do have your mom's nose" I chuckle when I notice the same curved button nose they share leaving me booping her's and making her smile. She scrolls through a couple more photos giving me little bits of commentary that no doubt Jungkook has told her as she grew up and it's when I hear the soft click of a camera that I look back up at him. 

"Sorry, it was too perfect not to" he says, seemly enjoying watching the two of us and I can't help the way my heart skips a beat making me shy all over again. "Can we take some more pictures?" Juni asks, wrapping her little arms around my neck and squishing my face against her's leaving me laughing at how adorable this all is. 

Jungkook obliges and we take picture after picture after picture together until Juni is satisfied and has run off to play again. 

"I didn't even know that you brought that" I say, watching as he fiddles around with the camera, flipping through the photos he just took. "It was on the table right behind the basket" he explains and now that I think about it I do remember seeing the corner of a camera bag sitting next to it. 

He smiles as he looks at the pictures and I lean over to catch a glance at them but he pulls it back out of my reach. "Hey!" I chuckle and she shakes his head. "Not until they're edited" he refuses and I scoff. 

"You're not actually going to edit them are you?" I say, nervous at the thought of him spending hours looking at those pictures. "Why wouldn't I?" he asks as if I had said something confusing. "Well I mean, aren't you busy with work? I doubt you would want to take extra time out of your day to play around with them" I explain and he smiles. 

"Let me take a few more and then I'll let you see them" he says, angling his body so he's facing me. "Did you want me to call Juni back?" I ask but when I try he stops me with another click and I look back at him confused. "I meant of just you" he says simply but I can tell he feels a bit bashful from the way he's started to hide behind the camera. 

"I'm not used to being the one in front of the camera" I say, trying to figure out exactly how to pose but he chuckles and puts the camera down a little to take a good look at me. "I don't see why not, you're beautiful" he says casually as if those words hadn't sent my heart into overdrive. "I-" I start but the words just don't come out, especially when he places the camera down and leans in closer. 

He takes my hand and places it on the blanket so I can lean on it, places the other in my lap, angles my shoulders slightly away from him and takes my chin and softly tilts my head up, making the sunlight peer down on my face through the leaves of the tree we're under. 

"Just relax" he says, acting as if I could possibly relax after he had his hands all over me, posing me just how he wanted. 

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to clear my head and once I start to get that sense of serenity I hear a few soft clicks from his camera, taking picture after picture, him adjusting my pose by hand every time. 

"Daddy!" is the next thing we hear after who knows how long with the sight of Juni running over to us all covered in mud. "Is this your daughter?" a woman who is clearly out of breath says while trailing after Juni. 

"Juni what happened?" I chuckle, seeing that she's as happy as can be with a few smudges of dirt on her face and her dress all muddy. "Her and my son were playing over there and I guess he convinced her to jump in the mud and well..." she says, motioning towards Juni where I'm trying to clean her off as best as I can. 

"I hope she didn't cause you any trouble" Jungkook says, now feeling a bit guilty about the situation since he had taken his eye off her for a second. 

"No, not at all. If anything I should be apologizing for my son. I swear we look away for one second and he's as dirty as can be" she chuckles, finally close to catching her breath. 

"Can you tell the nice lady thank you for bringing you back?" Jungkook tells Juni and she does as she's told and I can see that she has just about as much of an affect on this mom as she does with me. If Jungkook's not careful she can use her cuteness for mass destruction if left unchecked. 

We hear a boy calling out for his mom that looks just like the woman in front of us now with no doubt her husband trailing after him. "Mom, Dad says it's time to go home" he says, his state twice as bad as Juni's. What is it with kids these days and mud? I chuckle to myself and when the boy notices Jungkook and I with Juni he gets a little shy. 

"Oh, hello" he says before he goes and hides behind his mother's leg, "Oh so now you wanna be shy?" his dad teases and snatches him out from his hiding space and whispers no doubt an encouragement for him to apologize. 

"I'm sorry for getting her all dirty. She was just really nice and I wanted to have fun with her" he mumbles and I can see hints of pink peeking through the streaks of dirt on his cheeks just like Juni. 

What did I say? Weapon of mass destruction.

"It's okay sweetie, I'm just glad you had fun" I say, brushing off his apology and when he looks up at me now I can see that his blush deepens and opts to hide behind his Dad's leg this time. "Alright well say goodbye" his mom says and he mumbles a quiet goodbye and gives Juni a shy wave compared to hers being one to match her outgoing and bubbly self.

"Can we play again tomorrow?" Juni asks him and he looks up at his parents for approval. "We usually come here around this time everyday after school so you just have to ask your Mommy and Daddy if you can come again" she says and when I try to deny her claims Jungkook jumps in before I can get a word out. "We'll be here" he says and Juni smiles so wide. 

"See you tomorrow!" she calls out to them and the trio waves goodbye one last time before heading to their car. 

"Mommy and Daddy?" I turn to Jungkook while Juni is busy doing a little happy dance before taking a drink of her juice box. "Well I um, I guess they couldn't help but think we're her parents so it felt best to not correct them" he says while rubbing the back of his neck, his cheeks dusted a light shade of pink just like the little boy's were when he was looking at Juni. 

"Right, and when they say something tomorrow?" I tease and he clears his throat, no doubt not thinking this whole thing through. "Well I guess there's no harm in faking it?" he says and now I'm the one that's nervous.

"Faking it? You mean you want me to pretend to be Juni's mom? Why?" I ask, flustered by the thought of it. "I'm sorry I guess I didn't think about how you might feel about it. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable" he apologizes but I rush to explain myself.

"I'm not uncomfortable I'm just shocked that you would want to go along with something like that to keep up appearances for people that we hardly know" I say, trying to figure out where his head is at. "Sorry that was a stupid suggestion we don't have to do it if you don't want to" he says and I shake my head.

"I mean I want to, but do you? I mean what about Juni? What's she gonna think?" I ask and watch as she chases a butterfly that has caught her eye. "We can just tell her we're playing pretend" he says and I raise a brow at him. 

"That's the best you got?" I ask and he chuckles nervously. It's funny to see that a tall, strong, handsome man like him is getting so shy about this but I'll play along, I just don't want to confuse Juni. 

"Juni can you come here for a second?" Jungkook calls and she turns and runs over to us right away, looking between the two of us since we're both looking at her with no doubt some very strange expressions. "You like to play pretend right?" he asks and she brightens up at the thought, "It's my favorite thing to do!" she says, twirling around in her very adorable muddy dress. 

"How would you feel if we started playing pretend with Ms. y/n?" he asks and she gets even more excited and does her little chanting of 'Yes' over and over again, a very adorable habit of hers. 

"So this is what we're gonna do, whenever we're out and about with Ms. y/n we're going to pretend like we're a family. You'll be the Baby, I'll be the Daddy and Ms. y/n will be the Mommy, does that sound alright to you?" he asks and she giggles and looks between the two of us, clearly loving the idea. 

"Yes let's do it!" she says, fully confident in her playing pretend skillset. "Alright Juni but there's one little rule" he says and she come in close, knowing that this part is probably a secret. "You can't call her Mommy in front of her parents or grandma and grandpa, got it?" he says and I fully agree with him, we don't need to get their hopes up when we still don't know exactly what we are. 

"Got it! Mommy?" she asks, getting my attention and trying on the name for size and I answer to it right away, somehow feeling almost natural already. "Yes Juni?" I ask, and she looks over at the playground for a second before looking back over at me. "Can I go play for just a little while  longer?" she asks, holding her hands together and giving me the cutest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen. 

"Go ahead" I say and she giggles and rushes off to run around just for a little while longer just like she said. "It suits you" Jungkook says and I look over at him curiously, "What does?" I ask with a tilt of my head. "You being a mom" he says and the words die in my throat. I've always been told I'd be a good mother when the time came but hearing it from him after what we just agreed to do just...

"Thank you" I say, my heart squeezing in a painful but also grateful way and he gives me a smile before he places his hand on my waist for a second to solidify his sincerity before walking a bit closer to the playground to watch Juni. 

I decide to start packing up the stuff we had brought and by the time Juni is dragging her feet back over to me and completely out of breath I've got everything ready to go. "You tired?" I ask and she nods her head, her blinks getting lazy as a clear sign that it's time for bed. 

"Why don't I carry her home...I mean back to my mom's house" I correct myself quickly but I can tell he liked the sound of what I had said, my implication being completely different from what he had imagined. "It's alright, I can carry her, we've got one pretty dress all muddy so I don't think we need another one" he chuckles. 

I pause for a second and pull out the picnic blanket we brought and hold it against myself before picking her up. "Problem solved" I say and he can't help but smile at my solution and quickly takes Juni's shoes off and wipes her feet clean as best as he can before taking the end of the blanket and  tucking it all up so she's practically wrapped up like a burrito. 

"You sure you can cary her? She can get a bit heavy when she's sleepy like this, especially since we've gotta walk for a little bit" he offers and I assure him I'm fine. "What kind of mother would I be if I couldn't carry my child home?" I tease and his eyes widen, clearly having forgotten the little game we're playing.

"How dare I doubt your capabilities as a mother" he chuckles and picks up our stuff, motioning for me to lead the way.

A few minutes go by and we're left in a comfortable silence on our way back to my parent's house and when I decide to speak up he does the same. "I-" "Tha-", "Sorry you go first" "No that's okay you go first" and we toss it back and forth a few more times before he hits me with the age old "Ladies first".

"Thank you for coming tonight and letting me spend some more time with Juni...well and you of course" I say sheepishly and he smiles. "I would hope you like spending time with me since you are my wife after all" he teases and now we've switched personalities. "You know, I think you're getting a little too comfortable with this already" I say and he smiles, playing with his lip piercing that I somehow only noticed right now, the silver glistening from the street lights.

There's so many things I haven't noticed about him yet, or even know about him but somehow everything seems so easy. 

"I mean can you blame me? You fit right in with Juni and I. Honestly better than I thought you would" he mumbles the last part to himself and I have to try my absolute hardest not to literally fall for him. I'm holding his daughter so I would one thousand percent say that now is not the time. 

"What?" I ask, needing clarification but he doesn't give. "Oh nothing" he smiles and picks up the pace, leaving me trailing behind him and right when I go to say something else Juni flinches leaving me slowing down and soothing her back to sleep. "Your Daddy is crazy, you know that?" I whisper to her as if she could hear me but the need to say something was too great. 

A minute or two later we're walking up to my mom's house and I twist my body to give him access to the small purse I brought with us and let him fish out the keys to open the door. 

When my mom hears us come in she goes to give us a no doubt overly exaggerated welcome home but as soon as she sees a very sleepy Juni in my arms she cuts herself off and switches to a hushed tone. 

"Looks like you all had fun" she chuckles and caresses Juni's head for a second, checking to see if she's really asleep and she very much is. "Maybe a little too much fun" Jungkook chuckles, seeing my mother slowly realize how dirty Juni had gotten. 

"She's a cheeky one isn't she?" my mom smiles lovingly and I can't help but wish this whole mom thing with Juni was real. "She is indeed" Jungkook agrees, and hands my mother the picnic basket. 

"Thank you so much for letting me steal your daughter today" Jungkook teases and I can tell that she absolutely loves this. "Honestly you can keep her. I hardly see her anyways" she says, giving Jungkook permission as well as sending a jab my way. 

"Mom" I groan and the both of them smile as if they delighted in my embarrassment. "I just might" he says softly while looking over at me and I can see my mom picking out the wedding venue as we speak, meanwhile I'm wrestling with myself to stay calm. 

We agreed to fake this relationship which means that everything he says is fake...right? I need to separate the real from the delusion but he unfortunately isn't making this any easier.

We say our final goodbyes to my mom and she watches until we walk up to Jungkook's car, no doubt still watching behind the curtain of one of our front windows, spying on us as if her life depended on it. I try to ignore it though because how we end tonight is really important to me. 

"Can I ask you something?" I say after he finishes putting Juni in the car, him closing his car door and walking me over to my car just a few feet away. "Anything" he says while ushering me toward it with a hand on my waist, a slight sign of protection since it's gotten a lot darker than we both realized. 

"When you said I fit in better than you thought I would...and that you might keep me, was that a part of this whole faking it thing we have going?" I ask, wanting to have an open line of communication with him. We're not shy teenagers anymore so as adults I feel like this is something really important to establish. 

"Do you want it to be?" he asks, standing in front of me while I lean against my car door. It still very much being locked as a very clear sign that I don't want this to end. "I mean we just met and..." I say, trailing off because I don't really know what I want. All I know is I like him. I really really like him and his daughter has got me wrapped around her cute little finger. 

"I know, we can take this slow. If this whole husband/wife thing is too much for you we don't have to do it" he offers and I shake my head, "No, no I want to. I just don't want the lines to get too blurry" I explain and he nods his head and leans his hand against the car right next to where I'm standing. 

"Blurry lines aren't a problem for me when it comes to you, it's your call though" he says and if my heart wasn't already racing it surely would've been now. I look up at him and hold my breath when he gets closer my eyes not leaving his and when he lean down I close my eyes, giving into whatever he wants to do to me. 

"Goodnight" he whispers, his warm breath fanning my neck making me lose my sense of reality for a second, wanting to lose myself in him without abandon. I can hardly breathe let alone think straight and he chuckles at that, standing up straight and ghosting his fingers along my jaw before stepping aside, a clear sign for me to get into my car and when I fumble with my keys he takes them and unlocks it and opens the door for me.

I sit down inside and look up at him, indulging myself for a few more seconds. When he hands me my keys he makes our hands touch only for a moment before saying a soft 'Drive safe'. 

When he closes the door for me I finally let out that breath I had desperately been holding back, watching as he walks back to his car with his little Juni still sound asleep.

I watch him pull out of the driveway and decide that even the way he drives is irresistible, giving me a small wave before he goes and while I'm lost in thought I almost jump out of my skin when I hear my phone ringing and my mom's name pops up.

"Mom I really can't talk right now" I say, putting her on speakerphone and starting to car. "Do not give me that y/n I am your mother and set you up with this man so tell me what is going on" she says and I sigh, checking all my mirrors and heading out as well just seconds later. 

"To be honest mom I don't even know. He's showing me very very clear signs that he's interested in me but I can't really say much of anything else at this point" I admit, the realization that the state of our relationship is anything but normal. 

"We just met last night and things are progressing fast, like really fast" I sigh, stopping at a red light, thankfully giving me a second to think. "Well I'd say this is all a good sign. I mean you're both in your thirties honey so adult relationships can progress a lot faster than when you're younger. He's a man that clearly knows what he wants and he wants you. So go for it" she encourages and I take it all in. 

"You're biased because you're my mother and would love to have his parents as your in-laws" I say and she scoffs. "Yes but that's not the point. You would be a fool if you let a man like him walk out of your life" she scolds and I know she's right. 

"I'll do my best to keep an open mind. But please don't talk to his mom yet, or at least not tonight. I don't need both of you losing sleep over this" I warn her but I know she'll do as she pleases no matter what. "You know I can't do that, but I'll do my best" she says and that is the biggest lie she's ever told but I'm not surprised since we dangled this whole thing right in front of her face. 

"You called her already didn't you?" I sigh and she chuckles. "As soon as I closed the door" she admits and I sigh, not the slightest bit surprised. "Alright mom well I gotta go but we'll talk again soon" I say, pulling into my parking spot and turning off the car. 

"Okay well keep me updated" she says and I can't help but roll my eyes. "Between you and Mrs. Jeon I'm sure you can keep each other in the loop" I say, putting my keys in the lock and closing the door behind me when I step into my apartment. "But I gotta go alright, I'll talk to you later" I say once again and hang up as soon as she says goodbye.

"Hi Salem" I sigh, watching as he jumps down from his cat tree and stretches before walking up to me, rubbing against my leg before walking over to his food bowl, clearly requesting the very late dinner I'm giving him. "I'm sorry boy, I guess I gotta get you one of those timed feeders now from the looks of it" I apologize and give him his food right away. 

I put a couple treats into his bowl as well as an apology and make my way back to my room to jump in the shower and think about everything that happened today. 

Jungkook basically admitted that he wants to get to know me better because he clearly feels like he can see a future between us and to be honest I pretty much feel the same way. It could be that we've caught a severe case of puppy love but I think we both know that this could potentially go somewhere. 

I love spending time with him and Juni, granted this is only the second time we've spent time together but still I can't get over the fact of how natural it all felt. Then he goes and pulls this whole pretend to be married business and now he's telling me he doesn't mind if the lines are blurred between us. 

This is all way too much for one day but I can't deny that I'm not enjoying the journey. This is progressing a whole lot faster than I thought it would but that doesn't necessarily mean that's a bad thing. I guess we've both got a whole lot of learning to do. 

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[tinylilacbun]

Hello!! I’m loving the babysitter JJ, I was wondering if you could do one where he gets into an accident and ends up in the hospital (nothing too serious) but the ask if he has anyone to call and he calls the toddlers parents and they go and pick him up with toddler!reader and she brings him a balloon and teddy bear.

Maybe he should have just minded his business when some kooks made snarky comments about him, maybe he shouldn't have started a fight with one of them that resulted in the group chasing after him and him jumping over every obstacle until he climbed over a fence and braced the ground wrong causing him to twist his ankle.

After he found he somewhere to hide and took deep breaths he winces the second he tried to put pressure on his foot, knowing it couldn't be just a simple sprain.

JJ would usually never go to a hospital, given the fact he had never the money for it and because he couldn't stand the scent of disinfectant, but ever since he works as your babysitter he had a bit more budget than he ever had in his life.

That's how he's now sitting on a hospital bed, his ankle already in a brace and morphine in his system to help with the pain as he's waiting for the nurse to bring him the discharge papers.

He's looking down at his phone, hesitating to do what the nurse suggested to him earlier, that he should call someone to pick him up since the way home would be taking too long for him to manage alone.

His thought of calling his father dismisses he the second it enters his mind, knowing he would just end up sitting here for another reason after doing so, the Twinkie is having some issues right now so not even John b can pick him up right now.

With a sigh he sends a text to your mother, making sure to say that it's not necessary if they're busy, instantly regretting his decision and about to delete it again until he notices that she already read the message.

He curses under his breath, running a hand through his hair. Since then he hasn't gotten a reply, sitting there for another half hour the door opens and he thinks it's the nurse with the papers but his eyes widen a tad when he sees your parents.

Your father is holding you securely on his hip, setting you down the moment you start to squirm in his hold, quickly running towards JJ to hug his waist, standing between his legs.

"Hey, there, princess..." He chuckles, patting your back before he looks up at your parents, seeing the clear concern on their faces.

"Are you okay? Did they give you proper care? Because if not I'll-" Your mother starts but JJ nods, reaching down to pick you up and sit you down next to him as you keep clinging onto him.

"I'm fine...I shouldn't have bothered you 'cause of this." He mumbles, glancing at the things you're holding. "Watcha got there, huh?"

"Oh! Dis for you jay! To makes you happy." You smile at him, holding the blue balloon and a small teddy bear out to him.

JJ doesn't know how he deserves all this, seeing you in the country club that one day was the best thing that ever happened to him and he will forever be grateful.

"Thanks, cupcake..." He says quietly, booping your nose with the paw of the teddy bear to hear you giggle. "He's just as adorable as you."

Soon the discharge papers were signed and JJ made his way outside with crutches, not really protesting when his father asked if he wanted to stay over, just for the night.

Your parents know that it's hard for JJ to let people help him, even more if they're kooks, but your parents seem to be the only exception. He would never admit that though.

You hold his hand the whole car ride back to your house, wanting to comfort him like he always does when you're hurt or sad, rambling about your day and he listens to every word you say, smiling at you the whole time.

Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse

@mythixmagic @iris-xoxo-juhu @mylettterstoyou @sunf1ower16 @sweetstars-posts @rafecameronsloverrrrr @rafenroostersgirl

For JJ:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity @flora-eva

[christinarowie332]

i win.

part 2 of : “i’d be an idiot if i said no to that”

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings : vv suggestive ! drugs , swearing .

—-

matt and y/n spend some quality time with his brothers . who would break first ?

(this is kinda slow so hear me out)

green text : imessage

————-

my phone lights up vibrating from underneath my pillow . i peel my eyes away from “the vampire diaries” playing from my tv and notice the time displayed on my phone. 12:36am . jesus christ .

my eyes scan my notifications as my face id opens my phone . instagram, my group chat “whores.” (56). oops . snapchat , pinterest… oh ?

matt🤭: u up ?

(AHSHHSHDWHHENEHHEHSH)

my body shoots up from where i was lay . i frantically tuck my hair behind my ears with my free hand not holding my phone . i open the message , thumbs hovering over the keyboard ready to type before i hesitate. realising i have no idea what to say .

me: yeah i’m up ! what’s up ?

i type . then delete it .

me: hiyaaaa , yeah i’m up wanna do something??? x

nope

me: yeah i’m up . whyyy wanna hang??

good enough idc

i press send with shaking fingers , allmost immediately he replies back .

matt 🤭: you know me so well , i’ll come pick u up .

me: no bother , i’ll come over . send me ur loc

matt 🤭: i’m at mine with chris and nick , we can all hang if u want?

*matt 🤭 shared his location with you*

me: oki! shall i bring anything??

matt 🤭: just yourself and whatever u need in the morning

me: i’m staying ??😏😏😏😏

matt 🤭: 😏😏😏😏

me: OMW!!!!!

matt 🤭: LMAO OK

i smile at the message and take a screenshot immediately sending it to my groupchat giggling , throwing to the middle of my bed and getting up .

after a few touch ups to my makeup i’ve left to marinate on my face a little bit too long .i change outfit into a pair of baggy light blue jeans , that fall on my hips , uggs and a tight fitted white baby tee . i throw on a hoodie that matches my uggs before realizing it’s literally boiling and ripping it off .i grab my phone and my bag , filling it with the essentials and start to exit my house .

in what feels like 30 seconds i’m pulling into what should be matt’s house . i turn my car off and look at my self in the mirror , obsessing over every little detail until deciding i look good enough .

me: i’m here !!

me: hello ??

me: matt are u home ??

after five minutes of waiting outside the door i decide to just knock it . my heart literally racing enough to hear it in my ears . after a few seconds of waiting i hear the door unlock and the handle go down .

his face drops at the sight of me and turns his head away but not taking his eyes off me , his blonde hair falling against his eyes before he swipes it away .

“MATT ??CHRIS???”

he smiles kindly and i return it . awkward .

after a few excruciatingly painful seconds i see a familiar face poke around the corner, his long and messy hair tucked into a backwards hat . it takes him a second to realize it’s me and his face lights up as he walks towards the door .

“y/n ? yo what are u doing here ? nick bro what are u doing??” he furrows his eyebrows at his brother before opening his arms towards me .

“nice to see you too chris” i roll my eyes and meet his hug .

“OH SHIT MB YOUR y/n ?!?! COME IN FUCK SORRY!!” nick rambles out grabbing me around my back and pulling me in the house .

i take the sight on his house in , the shoes shoved thrown into the corner near the stairs. it smells like autumn, a warm candle burning somewhere. i can hear music coming from what must be the room above . smiling at the familiar beat of mac miller .

“where’s matt? SORRY !!nice to meet you nick!!” i say while smiling , and turning to nick realising i haven’t even greeted the first brother

he laughs and goes to speak before we all turn around and the sight of matt speeding around the corner and skidding to a stop .

“SORRY IVE ONLY JUST SAW YOUR TEXTS” he defends himself before i can even mention it . i smile kindly and relax my shoulders at the sight of him . his hair has been cut , brunette falling onto his forehead in loose curls. the phone he had in his hand tucked in his oversized sweats .lifting his top slightly to find the pocket , showing the band of his boxers for a split second .

“you’re fine , don’t worry” i say , before letting out a breath i didn’t even know i was holding .

matt keeps the eye contact smiling slightly before turning his head towards his brothers and looking at them . “do y’all wanna smoke up?”

“allways” chris replies for both of them before leading us all to their small balcony .

——-

it’s 2 am now , we all shared a joint around their table . chris let matt play his playlist (for once apparently) and we’re now all sat talking .

i’m sat on a bench with matt shoulder to shoulder , a blanket covering us both as the temperature dropped and we were all shivering by the time the joint was smoked .

“i don’t get it nick !! women are just confusing man…..” chris whines out , he has been talking about his girlfriend mia all night and and to be honest i stopped listening ten minutes ago . “no offense y/n/n” he says now looking at me .

i peel my eyes away from matt’s hand on my knee and meet his eyes “all good man i get it…” i don’t get it . i was completely zoned into matt’s hands , and how close he was to me that i wasn’t listening to a word chris was saying .

matt notices and puts his hands under the blanket , pulling it up to his shoulders .

“u wanna go inside matt???” i ask in concern , thinking he was cold .

“no i just got a chill , i’m fine” he says looking at me now with a tight lipped smile .

i mirror his smile and look away at chris who was waiting for us to shut up so he could carry on his rambling. he starts speaking and i keep eye contact with him , now fully listening to his words.

“as i was saying …. i just don’t get it ? taylor swift is mid as fuck , i tell mia that and she literally looks at me like i just murdered a litter of puppies , SHE HATES MY MUSIC TASTE??? i literally tried-“

and just like that i am now no longer listening to chris , as i feel matt’s hand on my knee again underneath the blanket . he strokes it slightly with his thumb and runs it up my thigh , covering it with goosebumps following his touch .

my breath hitches as he takes his hand higher , to rest on my upper thigh. leaving it there and warming it with his touch.

i glance up at him in warning but all i see is him looking straight forward at chris , smirking. little shit .

he must see my face flush in the corner of his eye because he moves his hand ever so slightly higher , his index and middle finger hovering over the seam of my jeans .

my hips move forward slightly and the touch and i gulp loudly , nodding my head at nick who’s now started speaking to me .

“what music do you listen to y/n . if u say some goofy shit like the imagine dragons i may have to throw you off this balcony” he asks me while laughing at himself .

matt apparently thinks it would be absolutely hilarious to start teasing me underneath the blanket , moving his fingers up and down the seam .

“i-um” i clear my throat trying to stay collected “i like all music really …. mac miller …” matt stops moving .

i turn my head towards him to see him smiling at me and nodding for me to carry on .

“ugh let me think” i drag my words as i move my hand on his inner thigh now i feel him flinch at the touch and go to move his hand off my thigh to stop me but i flash my head towards him and raise my eyebrow in warning .

my turn .

i mirror his actions before and take my hand higher . “i like anything really ….. mac ..torylanez…” i move my hand . he shifts .

“skies ….travis….hotel ugly….” i move my hand again over his sweats . he shifts and let’s put a huff of air .

“brent faiyaz…..dominic fike”

i move my hand again and he lets out a soft allmost silent noise . a whimper , only i hear it and i smirk .

“i like anything” i look at matt now , giving him an innocent look and shrugging my shoulders.

i remove my hand as i could feel him slowly becoming harder . and place my hand on his lower thigh , griping hard . saying exactly what i needed to.

“that’s fire as fuck…what’s ur fave skies song?” i hear chris say and i turn my head towards him .

i smirk knowing i won before continuing my conversation with chris , feeling matt sink into his seat more and putting his arm around me . manspreading and putting his palm over his crotch.

i win .

——————-

i am a vile and wretched woman .

LOVE YA !!!!

@mangosrar @sturnphilia @littlebookworm803 @lividnity @def-livv @daddyslilchickenfingers @sssturniolofart @soursturniolo @deatthmatch @biimpanicking @bluesturniolo333 @urmyslxt

^^^^

i love u all 🤍🤍🤍

[leviscolwill]

i can see you

pairing: ben chilwell x fem!reader

summary: after you lost your hotel room key you're forced to ask your friend ben to share his bed with you (wc: 1k)

contents: fluff, coworkers au / workplace romance, idiots crushing on each other, one use of y/n sorry 🏃‍♀️

notes: please be indulgent w this,, i haven't written in 2 years so i'm a bit rusty. also english is not my first language so my apologies for any grammar mistakes that will make you want to gouge your eyes out. reblogs & feedback are very veryyyyy appreciated as always <3

ps: i tried sum with the dividers tell me if they're ugly asf and i'll delete bc idk how to feel abt them 💀

now playing: i can see you by taylor swift (speak now)

"are you sure you don't mind me staying here tonight ?" you didn't want to force ben into sharing his room, but as soon as you noticed your hotel room card was gone, he offered his room for the night.

"i wouldn't offer if i did."

he had a point. not that you would ever say it out loud, so you simply kept silent. truth be told, today was exhausting, you had to run left and right while every player fulfilled their media duties, and everything felt 10 times more intense in the heat of the summer.

you still felt anxious at the idea of sharing a bed with ben. the line between 'coworkers-that-get-along-well' and 'something more' blurred a little bit too much whenever you were with ben. you'd find yourself looking at him a little bit more than you'd look at other players and thinking about him in a way a friend shouldn't, let alone someone who works for his team should.

"i can practically hear your thoughts you know ?" ben chuckled, he got to know you well throughout the last two seasons you worked at chelsea, well enough to feel you hesitating over the proposal.

"i can sleep on the floor if that makes you more comfortable."

"i'm not making you sleep on the floor when i'm the one who lost my card in the first place" you sighed. you were both adults that could share a bed and not make it weird, right ?

"do you have any spare shirt i could borrow ?" after ben searched through his baggage that seemed untouched since touchdown, he handed you a t-shirt and some shorts.

you made your way to his bathroom after muttering a quick 'thank you'.

you came out of his bathroom battling against his shorts that were still too big even after adjusting them, ben couldn't hide his smile when you walked out in his clothes. he'd imagined you in his shirt more times than he'd like to admit.

"i'll get ready for bed, make yourself comfortable." he said pointing at his bed. thankfully it was more than enough for two people, actually, his bed was probably bigger than yours, perks of being a football player probably.

after staying on your phone to distract yourself from the fact you were sharing a bed with your crush, a very shirtless ben came out of the bathroom and laid on his side of the bed. the only thing that you could do now was hoping for the red on your cheeks to fade as quickly as humanly possible.

to you, it was obvious, he was not nearly as nervous or embarrassed as you were, it almost seemed like he'd done this a million times before. he was laying casually on his phone while you stayed close to the end of the bed, so close you were afraid you might fall at any moment.

but if you could read his mind, you'd find out ben was torn between overthinking about how he better not mess it up, and thinking about who he would tell first that he slept in the same bed as the pretty girl from work he kept rambling about.

"goodnight ben." you said in an almost whisper.

"goodnight y/n" he answered while he tried his best to fall asleep, although all he could think about was how lucky he was.

when you woke up in the morning, you were confused about the unfamiliar setting for the first few seconds but quickly remembered the events of last night. you don't even know what awakened you. was it the sun peeking through the curtains ? the light snoring you could hear coming from above your head ? or the heat of the body laying right next to you ? then you silently panicked sensing how close you were to ben, his head resting on top of your hair, his features soft as he was still asleep.

but you took the time to fully appreciate the moment that was definitely too intimate for two coworkers, or even two friends. listening to ben's heartbeat and tracing his features after freeing yourself from one of his arms that kept you close to him.

after a few minutes he opened his eyes, and stretched, while pulling you right next to him.

"slept well ?" he asked with a tired smile on his face, while his fingers traced up and down your bare arm.

you almost wanted to tell him that you had the best sleep of your life, in hopes that he'll keep you this close for longer, but chose against it.

"yes, slept well, maybe i would've slept even better if you didn't snore this loud"

he faked a offended expression and attacked you with his pillow, messing your hair even more.

"no, no, no, i'm sorry, please stop, i didn't mean that." you tried to plead out of breath.

ben was feeling merciful, he helped you seat up on his bed and you spent about half an hour talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

"i better go to the reception to get a new card." you said while ben watched you collect your clothes with a lovesick smile attached to his face.

"let me know if you lose your new card, i'll gladly share my bed with you again."

with that, you closed ben's door with one last look at him, his messy hair and his (very) unmade bed, smiling to yourself for the rest of the morning.

[lotusarchon]

As I have the app around, I may as well just dive into this before disappearing again. To the people in my post a few days prior and in my dms, I promise I'm not ignoring any of you, but I genuinely can't muster the energy to speak to anyone else currently. I'm only here currently because someone found my unmentioned hetalia account, which I left unmentioned for a reason...you know who you are...you scared me...😭

Ah, okay well. If you're not aware of who I am, hi. I'm a dude that wrote fanfiction for this fandom I got pulled into. A year ago I had a few different accounts but I had to delete every single one just because I kept getting harassed, from one thing to another. I'm hoping I don't have to do it again this time around.

I haven't gone offline as anyone thought. I did attempt to take my life (twice, 2024 is something else) but in the end it didn't work out, so I've been hiding in my secret account to relax in hetalia for a bit. In between that I've also been stalking the account myself since it showed up just to see what it was up to, and...oh wow that's a lot.

This specific account has been on my ass like a tick since..two days ago. Two days of my 'supposed' death.

I've also recently found out that someone else who was pretending to be a friend of my friend's and a concerned citizen happened to be friends with them;

And hence why I chose not to reemerge my head back then yet. It turns out there's a few people who may have been following me who are acquainted with these people and...yeah, I didn't want to take the risk. I'm hoping no one is going to inform them I'm not actually dead―I blocked both accounts to avoid being noticed.

There's a lot of yapping I'm gonna be doing so expect a lot of that, BUT piece of advice to anyone that actually cares: do not engage with either blog. Don't send them hate mail, don't go gloating that I'm not actually dead, and don't fucking yap about anything. These blogs went as far as to harass my friends who have no part in this, and they also wrote nsfw of my adult oc and my friend who is a fucking minor. Do. Not. Engage. With. Them. Please!! Block, block, block. Just block them! They're actively going out of their way to harass and stalk MINORS.

Under the cut, I am rambling more on personal feelings rather than doing this professionally. I'm still pretty moody actually and well yeah...

Trigger Warning for some topics below!

Okay uh. I've never done this before so excuse me while I put this in question format lmfao..

"Why aren't you dead!?"

Joke answer; god doesn't want me.

Long answer: I'm not the type of person who says something like that ...like that. I really was intending to go through with it, but evidently I was too tired from crying and fell asleep. I figured that I couldn't handle people fucking around with me and hid in my secret blog. Hetalia fandom is so nice for a fandom about countries. Point blank sorry to burst many of your bubbles, but I'm not dead yet. Put the birthday canon away, slut. I'll die next season.

"What the fuck did you even do?"

Exist.

No okay, realistically it's a lot. I'm not going to play the victim here's and I'm not going to lie to people and say "oh hey my mental illness/trauma made me do that" because that's bullshit. I'm also not diving too deep into any explanations just because my hands hurt..but also I don't want to remember anything less I have another panic attack.

A year ago I met this girl who became my friend over a fandom. We chatted, but I fucked our friendship up when I lashed out at her and another friend wrongfully because of my own stress. While I did beg one of them to stay, the chick that runs kokomichanstuff, Mariin, I ended the friendship with her just because I knew what I did was bad. There really aren't any excuses for that. I don't think anyone should have to deal with anyone else's bad attitude regardless of mental health or not. I didn't bother to keep Mariin around because I did bad, and no amount of apologies would fix it. She already said she wouldn't forgive me, so I knew it made no sense to keep up a facade. I genuinely had no idea she would've been mad that I begged one person to stay but not her, even though she expressed not wanting to be my friend. I also don't remember truly if what I did was enough to earn THIS type of harassement, but I'll take it as divine punishment. But basically, over and over again Mariin has stalked me and found a way to harass me. According to the posts she made, she's made a new friend I (sadly) hurt who wants..revenge. Hooray.

Mariin's already namedropped them so um, yeah, I hope it's okay to mention them?? . Neveah was someone I also hurt really badly by bullying and lashing out at her out of jealousy over something ridiculously dumb in my old server and account. I confronted her later on apologizing but specifically also adding that she didn't need to forgive me because I messed up. Long story short, she claimed she had forgiven me.... but then went to her friends (Mariin mentioned) Geno, Toga etc to badmouth me, including sharing sensitive information I sent to her. Neveah's friend Geno made a post mocking me which I found and responded poorly too, and then more drama escalated from there because literally every single one of Neveah and Geno's friends came to bombard me, sent me hate mail and surprise, Mariin took the chance to come back. I don't know how the fuck those two (Mariin and Neveah) managed to speak, but sometime later a few accounts appeared that went after people who were once associated with me or used to be associated with me. A few days ago the account made supposedly by Neveah made a post accusing me of being a r*pist, groomer and pedophile and yeah. That went badly.

Uh. Wow this is a mouthful. But. Yeah, I'm...not really a good person, and these things are just embarrassing and..ick. I hate myself for the shit I pull. But, I will say, while I can accept Mariin harassing me like this, the other parties just...genuinely could've handled this better than what they did to me. It really wouldn't have been so hard to ask me instead of listening to one side, but maybe that's me. Regardless, I admit I was wrong. I just..I'm not happy other people are getting involved.

"Why didn't you just say something sooner instead of all that nonsense? Wasn't that too dramatic?"

Sadly it was, but I don't think any of you understand when I say that I CAN'T. I can't say anything because it's just me, me, me. It's just me, and people aren't going to believe me. They never do. When that shitshow happened with Neveah, everyone was blaming me. Even up till recently, someone in my current server told me I was the one who overreacted over getting bullied and harassed. I'm not mentioning them here but holy fuck, that shit hurt. The anons coming in my inboxes telling me "people are offering you advice and you don't want it", it fucking hurts. It genuinely hurts because every single time I try to speak up against anything, or stand up for myself, I'm the one who's in the wrong.

Geno, Neveah, Mariin, fucking Toga and Deja and the entire fucking crew. They're never the ones who get wronged, and they haven't lost anything. Even when Mariin's account gets deleted, she's fine. She has people that actually fucking listens to her, all of them do.

I don't. There's no one aside from the few friends I have who would actually listen to me and not just immediately jump at me, and I'd rather just not have them involved in anymore drama that revolves around me.

Yeah, holy shit, maybe attempting to kill myself from the stress was overbearing but you guys have no fucking idea what it's like. Every time, every time I make a report or say something, I'm the one who's told I'm at fault. It's either, "You're don't look like a child, it's not their fault they want to touch you," or, "You overreacted," or, "Maybe you shouldn't have said anything," or even, "You're so ungrateful, I'm trying to help you."

It. fucking. Sucks. It. SUCKS. Its terrifying that regardless if it's my real life or on the internet, no one listens, no one cares and the one who's left hurting is Ali because who fucking cares. Who gives a shit right?

"....did you try to kill yourself over Nezha?"

Everything started with Nezha, and I'm not even fucking kidding. I don't remember how I met Mariin but I knew for a fact it was something about him. And when we broke our friendship off, I got attacked a LOT about his age. I want to pretend that maybe it was all Mariin, but with how things are, I don't doubt for a second this fucking fandom were jumping me for a character who already has a confirmed age.

I could tell you that I was just stressed about Mariin, but that'd be a lie. Everywhere I go with this fandom, I'm always getting hassled about Nezha's age. From the beginning I was already stressed, because I continuously kept getting anon after anon calling me names and accusations for a fictional fucking character.

I don't deny that Mariin didn't have a part to play. She most definitely made things worst for me with using Nezha to slander me further. It's just my luck that the people in this fandom are idiots that'll listen to anything anyone says.

Think of it this way; the pot was near burning on the stove, it just needed some more fuel.

"Why didn't you just listen to the anons?"

Sighs

Mind you, this was supposedly when I was DEAD. Trust me, I've had far worst flooding my inboxes. Before it was about Nezha's age. Recently, it was to kill myself and the accusations.

I'm not saying the advice was ever bad. But the anons were strangers for all I care who had no idea what the fuck was happening. I've tried blocking anons before, I also went to far lengths to ignore them, but there's only so much I can take. Every day, day in day out on any blog I've made, ever since I started writing for Nezha, I've been receiving dozens and dozens of hate I've had to delete constantly. Not even counting the ones that just randomly told me to die!!

"just ignore them" I'm not a child. I. know. I know, I know, I've been trying, but when people don't respect my boundaries and don't even bother to listen when I say I've done it, how do you think I'm going to feel?

"oh but you should put that as your trigger then it's not their fault" oh yeah, "hey everyone 🥺 when people don't listen to me I cry". How do you think it'll sound? Plus, why should I need to add that when I wasn't expecting anyone to actually act like this on the internet to begin with?!

"Why don't you just move to a different platform then if the hate is that bad?"

Ignoring Mariin for a bit, even if I were to go into another platform to write fanfiction (and I highly doubt there's many I'll feel comfortable in), why should I, and what makes you think the hate will stop there?

AO3 is a place where THE worst people write porn. And you wouldn't believe that I've had to delete quite a number of assholes on there for Nezha's age. Don't mention Twitter where the nonsense started about his age, and don't bring in bluesky because there's a word limit and I'm not limiting myself to that. Even Wattpad has them yelling about Nezha's age. WATTPAD!! Genuinely what makes you think I'll be safe anywhere I go?

I hate Tumblr but this account is my safe space from reality at this point. It used to be the place that made me not want to die. Just because you guys are jerks, why should I need to go?

This also goes back to Mariin and the harassers. Even in my fake death I can't know peace. If I were to move out, wouldn't she get to live her life peacefully while I'm miserable trying to understand a place I don't want to be in?

"Then just leave the LMK fandom!"

Again, why should I? LMK is my comfort show. I genuinely enjoy writing for silly legos, and I also love learning about things I didn't know about before. Why should I have to leave just because the fandom is filled with jerks? Why don't you guys just leave instead if you're butthurt about anyone daring to speak an opinion?

"The accusations-!"

Are lies.

I was r*ped before. Why would I find any pleasure r*ping anyone else? How does one even do that through online?

I was groomed online and assaulted in real life. Why would I think of hurting another human being, most less a child, like that when I still can't even read anything that correlates to it? Why would I find any of those things pleasing?

I turned 18 in 2024. It's not an excuse and I've been doing my best to not interact with minors, or at the very least avoid speaking about topics that are inappropriate for them. Even though I still forget I'm an adult on occasion, I know better than to pull up on my younger friends and start talking about nsfw. I've only ever spoken weirdly to my adult friends.

I recently saw someone comment on the account that I'm Islamphobic/don't support Palestine, so that makes me problematic. I grew up in an Islamic family, I have trauma with that specific religion (inclu. Hinduism and Christianity, long story). I don't interact with anything regarding religion if I can and I also don't judge someone based on their religion. I judge you based on how you speak to me. If you have a weird icon, I don't like you, if you speak weirdly, I don't like you. Additionally, I'm the type of person who feels guilty for making someone upset. I can't support myself, most less for others. No, I don't agree with genocide but it's genuinely too much for me to keep up with.

And finally, how the fuck is liking a character who's an adult make me a proshipper? Jesus Christ again with Nezha. I hate this.

"You have no proof!"

Of course I don't. I don't keep bad memories around. I wouldn't have remembered my own childhood if I didn't get triggered about it. I block bad memories out. Many interactions I've had that are bad, I delete. I don't think about saving, I delete.

Even interactions with friends I usually delete because it's just weird not seeing a blank space. I don't hate them but leaving a spot full feels weird.

I don't have any proof I'm none of the accusations but neither does Mariin, to be frank. So if you chose to believe her because you just genuinely don't like me, good for you, but you look like sheep being led by a drunk shepherd. Either you'll end up in a slaughterhouse and starve, your pick.

I'm not going to say, "Oh ask my minor friends!" Because...they're kids. I feel horrible my friend got roped into this to begin with, the last thing I want is for anyone else be involved when they barely know shit.

Yeah, rambled a bit. I didn't want too but I got carried away, whoops.

This is the only post I want to make about this issue. Don't bring it up, don't uhh, don't mention me to the account, and please just allow me to rest in peace. I just want to write and feel free, not deal with this shit, okay?

Also. Please stop involving my friends into beef you have with me. It's really not their fault they have to deal with someone like me.

Goodbye. I'm deleting the app again until I return. Adios

[rosesradio]

i accidentally deleted the ask that requested this, and i forgot who asked it, but whoever wanted some valgrace cuddles (who doesn’t lol), this is for you !! 💌 It was 2:37 AM when thunder boomed across the sky. Leo awoke blearily, curls in all directions and eyelids heavy. He yawned, rolling over in an attempt to fall asleep once more.

It should have been easy.

It wasn't.

A new idea rolled around Leo's mind, stirring him from any hope of rest. He couldn't—as much as he wanted to—he couldn't bother Jason.

And yet.

Huffing, emerging from his warm sheets and cushiony comforter, Leo padded over to the door to his room. He could feel the motion of the ship under his feet, minute in the way any large vessel moved. He closed the door behind him, as silent and careful as a horror movie protagonist. With Coach Hedge keeping an eye on them, Leo couldn't be sure when he was safe to embark on this little late-night visit. Still, the promise of seeing Jason was too tempting to ignore.

Leo made his way over to Jason's door, finding it, to his surprise, already opened. He slipped inside, shutting the door behind him, finally letting out a breath.

"Leo?" Jason's voice asked, confused with that half-sleepiness that made Leo unable to help but smile.

"Yeah, Superman, 'm here," Leo replied faintly. He shuffled over as Jason wordlessly pulled the blanket up, inviting Leo into bed.

Leo slipped under the covers—into Jason's arms—as easy as breathing.

They weren't quite…together. Yet. Maybe ever. They were in this perpetual stage of…something, which had started two weeks prior when Jason went to Leo's room after a particularly nasty nightmare. After that, some things shifted in their relationship. They were close in this way, cuddling close and speaking softly with each other, only under the cover of darkness.

It wasn’t one of those crappy movies about a secret gay relationship in which Jason would shove him against the lockers when others were around. Leo just assumed that he wanted to keep what little privacy he had on the ship.

Unless…

“Jason?” Leo asked softly, unsure if he was waking the son of Jupiter. At his low, questioning hum, Leo added: “How would you feel if Coach caught us tomorrow?”

“Mm,” Jason managed pulling Leo even more firmly against him. His voice was warm near Leo’s ear. “I’d tell ‘m to kick rocks, probably. Give us five more minutes…”

Leo snickered, letting out a content sigh as he held on to Jason’s arm. “I’d like that,” he murmured. “But…you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be caught with me…?”

Jason made another hum, this one a bit more disapproving. “You kidding? You should be embarrassed to be caught with me, we both know you’re the brains to my trophy husband…”

Leo was sure it was just senseless sleepy ramblings, though his heart skipped a beat at Jason’s words. Trophy husband…that implied that they were, in fact, together. If they were official or not.

In a moment of bravery, Leo brought Jason’s hand up to his lips, pressing a slow and gentle kiss to the back of it.

If I could kiss your lips, he wanted to say, this would be how I would do it.

“Glad you know what our roles are,” Leo said instead.

Jason hummed once more in recognition and, to Leo’s gut-twisting surprise, placed a gentle kiss to the crook of Leo’s neck.

Letting out a content sigh, Leo settled against him. Their legs tangled under the thick comforter. Jason’s torso rested fully against Leo’s, his frame like a large, soft blanket from the dryer. His arm was wrapped around Leo, comforting and protective all at once.

Leo only knew the tip of the iceberg when it came to New Rome, though he knew a lot of the flashy details were all for show. The reality of what he had, of what his life was like, was a lot more bleak.

Leo supposed he protected Jason as well. With his words—his kindness and jokes and quick mechanical thinking. That must have been why Jason held him so protectively. Because he was his.

Leo was never used to being anyone’s before, what with everyone turning him away in disgust and fear after his mother died.

Holding on to Jason’s arm like a prized possession, Leo finally found himself able to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

[circulars-reasoning]

Hi, I hope this ask isn’t too invasive…

You’ve mentioned before that you’re an English teacher, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to speak a bit on how you became one (education? certifications?) and what it’s like for you teaching while living with DID.

The reason I ask is, I’m a senior in high school and I’ll be going to college in the fall. I’m really worried because I have so many alters who all want different things for my life. But in general, I’m drawn to teaching and many of my alters are okay with the idea of pursuing this as a career - especially if I can teach English, which has always been my best subject (I’m in the US).

I’m really scared about entering the adult world, and want to be as prepared as possible for this shift. Hearing from a system who followed the career path I’m considering would be really amazing!

If this ask bothers you or if you’re not comfortable answering it, I totally understand. Thank you for your time and consideration!

- Freya

Hey!!! Sorry I missed this ask -- I hardly use this blog and actually plan on deleting it soon. Just need to get around to reblogging the important posts.

But this is an important one, and I really want to respond here, in the hopes that you'll see it.

I'm an English teacher for 6th grade in the US, and I can say that, without a doubt, college was harder than being a teacher is currently. Do not let your experiences in college stop you from your goal. The professors will not be kind to you, especially if you don't know what's happening to you.

I'm going to pop this under a cut because boy howdy I am rambling.

In terms of college and working to become a teacher with DID:

Firstly, and most importantly: Scheduling. You will need to be completely on top of scheduling out your few years of college. You don't need to be perfect, mind you, but please be aware of what classes are required and when you will take them. My college fucked me over on this. The reason it's so vital is because most education programs in the US are 5 year programs -- 4 years of college, and a 5th year of one semester of a "practicum" (an unpaid internship at a school). During your practicum, you're not supposed to take any extra classes. I was taking 3 classes on top of my practicum to stay under 5 years. Don't do this. Either bite the bullet and do that extra 5th year of schooling, or plan accordingly so you don't get stuck the same way I did.

Now that that's out of the way:

DID definitely impacted my ability to study for things. It really helped having someone else holding me accountable; my partner, my roommate for 3 of my 4 years of college, really helped me out and basically did the education degree alongside me in spirit. If you can, find someone else to help you study.

That someone else should not be a fellow education major. This is because almost all of them will drop out by the time you graduate. That's a sorry truth, unfortunately. In my Junior Literature class of 6 students in my junior year, only 3 moved on with their degree; in my senior year, I was the only one who moved on. This is because college is fucking grueling, and everyone dropped out, thinking teaching would be harder (I'll get to that).

Don't try to overcome your disorder in college. Don't try to heal or recover while going through classes. Try to survive. You do not need to focus on recovery immediately, and it is a BAD idea to pile that much on your shoulders while in college and while teaching. Try to maintain and survive as best as you can. Recovery is a process and it will work on its own as you go through.

You can absolutely bullshit your way through an English degree, easy. It's not hard. Especially if you start writing about fanfiction in Lit 101 -- or at least, in my experience, that got me far. If you know you'd good at English, I would highly recommend it, esp if you're good at School English.

For your other classes, you'll likely have to do gen ed credits. Be creative and have fun. To fulfill my math credits, I took programming and "mathematical excursions" (you do fun shit with math and learn to pay for a house -- it was incredible). To fulfill science credits, I took Astronomy as a night class and got to look through a telescope during a night class for an A. It was awesome. (Well, ok, that class sucked, but you get the point).

DON'T OVERSTACK YOUR CREDITS. I wouldn't go above 18 credits per semester. I usually did around 16, and the minimum we could do was 12. Don't go minimum, but do not overstack. Again, scheduling, don't overschedule yourself.

You'll take a form of practicum each year more than likely. This will be where you go to a school and teach for a bit, and then you'll go do homework about what you taught. In your first year or two, you won't be doing almost any of the teaching; you'll shadow a mentor teacher who will show you how to do the thing. This is honestly so beneficial, but...

TAKE NOTES. For fucks sake, the memory part of DID fucking destroyed me in college, and notes would improve everything. Take double notes, honestly -- physical notes while in the school, and digital notes once you get home.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP. DID leads to insomnia so frequently. Start trying to keep good sleeping habits now, because it WILL get worse as college goes on. Do NOT do what I did and try to survive on 3 hours of sleep a night. It is not sustainable and you will catch every single disease these kids transfer onto people, I swear to god.

The Dean of Students will actually help. A lot. Please go to them if you're struggling. If you can't go, then send someone you trust to advocate for you. In my senior year when everything was going to shit with my mentor teacher (she was a horrible woman) and the admin at school were shitty to me (again, a horrible woman in charge), my partner went to the Dean and advocated for me. That mentor teacher was forced to retire from the school the next year, and my admin had to extend my semester by 3 days to give me a better practicum with someone who could actually do their fucking job. Do not feel scared to advocate.

Please. Please, if you remember nothing, remember this: do not listen to your coworkers in your final practicum. Don't listen to what they say about you becoming a teacher. These people are jaded assholes who, in my experience, want nothing more than to bomb the school. I wish I was kidding, but genuinely, so many of them are horrifically jaded and don't want to be there, ESPECIALLY when your practicum starts (which almost always coincides with state testing schedules). Teaching is awesome, genuinely, so long as you enjoy it.

And lastly for the college aspect: It gets easier. It really does. College was absolute hell for me up through senior year. This was because not only was I doing full coursework (ouch), but I was also starting to really understand and process bits of my trauma (yikes) and I was still with my abusers (yikes). This makes it so, so much harder, in so many ways. And I still did it. And now, here I am to live and tell the tale, and now that I am a teacher?

This shit is so much more forgiving. I have slipped up so fucking much, but as long as you do your best and mean well, your bosses will fucking adore you. They desperately need warm bodies in the room to help make sure the kids don't set fire to each other, and you are certainly going to fit the job description if you give a single shit.

Be open about some of your issues, but not all. I'm very open at work that I suffer from a disorder that leads to amnesia, but I'm careful about how I do this. "I actually have an issue that leads to a lot of forgetfulness, so if it's possible that you could send me a reminder of that meeting, I'd appreciate it." That's all I needed, and now we have a group calendar and my coworker has forgiven me numerous times for missing something.

Your mistakes as a system are completely seen as just. Normal Ass Human Mistakes. Forgot a meeting? Happens to everyone. Broke down crying in front of the kids? Shit fam, the teacher across the hallway walked out last week, you're doing remarkably just because you stayed.

The kids can fuck you up. Genuinely. They WILL trigger you. You WILL get memories of your childhood and it WILL hurt. And you will get through them with patience, time, and understanding. It'll be okay. Please, work hard on reminding yourself that these kids are not actively malicious. They do not understand your perspective.

To that note, almost every single teacher I know has a therapist. It is not a shocker to be in therapy. Most teachers need it. If you don't have one, I highly recommend getting one, if just to bitch about your coworkers with someone who will nod and say, "You deserved better than that, you're right."

Most of teaching is paperwork and meetings. Like genuinely, it's kind of ridiculous. We have meetings every Monday and Thursday, with occasional meetings on Tuesday and Wednesday. It's a LOT of meetings, and everything needs documented.

Work life balance. Please have one. This is when you start working on not bringing work home.

MULTIPLE CHOICE QUIZZES ARE OKAY. GENUINELY. I was so firmly against them as a student in college -- "that doesn't test genuine knowledge!" Neither does school. Please save yourself the hours of grading and do a few multiple choice quizzes. In some counties the system you use will autograde them.

God I could talk about this for hours on end. I'm really genuinely happy to answer so many questions about this. If you want to know anything specific, feel free to ask. I'm also over on @circular-bircular and plan to use that as my main system blog, so you can ask me more questions there if you want.

You've got this. I am absolutely rooting for you.

[zeroeightzeroone]

in this lifetime and the next - seo changbin

genre: angst? hurt/comfort? idk two exes are talking about their past relationship

pairing: ex-boyfriend, non-idol!seo changbin x ex-girlfriend!femreader

notes: if this looks familiar, my secondary blog 'zerothreetwentyfive ' was deleted by tumblr (idk why) so i'm republishing everything here on my main blog.

wc ~2.5k | moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:

"how…" he clears his throat, "how have you been?"

his eyes are fixed on the night sky. even with the knowledge that he isn't looking in your direction, you still shrug before replying, "i've been… okay."

if someone told you three years ago you'd be lying under the millions of stars sparkling up within the dark night sky, next to your ex-boyfriend, you would've been convinced that person was out of their mind. especially, if that person told you that throughout the trip you would find yourselves alone together coincidentally, eventually finding yourselves sober and in the comfort of your ex-partner laid next to you. a cool breeze drifting by once in a while and everyone else who came onto the trip were either drunk or passed out inside the cottage. 

you really would've called an intervention. convinced that they were far too delusional for their own good.

then again, you from three years ago would have never believed there'd come a day when your boyfriend would become your ex. where he would become someone of your past. you from three years ago could not even fathom, nor entertain the possibility of being away from the man, of living without the man. the man you loved more than anything or anyone. a statement that holds true to this day.

truthfully, you believed that he would be the one you would love and be loved by for eternity. believing that you waited your whole life, for everything in the universe to align, paving the path to meet the man you were fated for, the man you would call the one:

seo changbin.

"work's been good? school? life?" changbin's voice is quite soft and his tone is a bit awkward. 

he's tiptoeing around his words, trying to figure out how you feel about him. weighing out what you could and couldn't speak about or if you should be speaking at all. the thought of overstepping and potentially making you uncomfortable sits in the back of his mind.

"they've been… more or less the same," you answer.

it's different without you, you think to yourself. 

his absence was something you could never get used to after the breakup. three years later and that sense of emptiness looms over your head.  

"i got promoted last year," you add.

"oh really? that's great to hear!" changbin's tone is excited but at the same time it's uneasy.

of course, he's excited, and he's proud of you but he still doesn't know how you feel about him right now. what if he makes you uncomfortable with too much excitement? or a lack of excitement? changbin's treading lightly.

"… uh… sorry–"

"—how about you? how have you been?" you're quick to cut him off. 

if you didn't, changbin would go on rambling and apologizing; something you picked up on very early into your relationship. the man lying next to you apologizes for everything, regardless of if he is at fault or not. even if there is no fault, he finds himself apologizing anyway.

"last i remember you were working a big project."

changbin blinks, taken aback by the sudden interruption but he composes himself quickly, "o-oh! i've been doing good as well. happy that it's done."

"how'd it go?" you wonder.

"it was... definitely a lot more than we expected to take on. the clients decided they wanted to expand more on their vision. change up a lot of pre-made plans."

"ah, i see... i can't tell if that's good or bad?"

"i'd say it's both," you can hear the slight smile in his tone, "a lot of work done being scrapped which, y'know, isn't exactly ideal. but they agreed to pay us more which is good. i'd say we were rewarded adequately for the work we put in."

you hum, "well, then, i'm happy for you."

silence looms in the air between the two of you. neither of you knows what to say to the other, how to continue a conversation. 

the both of you stare up at the stars overhead; most of which you aren't able to see on a daily due to the light pollution in the city. while there is a silence that has fallen between you two, it's not an uncomfortable one. neither of you are itching to escape an awkward atmosphere, to escape being around your ex. instead you find yourselves in a comfortable space in the presence of the one lying next to you.

basking in a presence neither of you has had the opportunity to be comforted by, let alone be around, in the past three years.

you find yourself instinctively fiddling with the ends of your hoodie sleeves, pulling them over your hands and hiding them inside. beside you, changbin adjusts his arm to rest behind his head while the other one rests on his stomach.

"y'know what this reminds me of?" he says suddenly, in a hushed tone, "reminds me of our two-year anniversary."

tearing your eyes off the sky, you turn your head to changbin's direction. 

you let your eyes linger on him for a moment. entranced by how the stars and the moon illuminate his features in such a soft and gentle manner. it's been three years since you've been this physically close to changbin, let alone seen the man, you can't help but analyze his features like it's the first time. looking over the features you fell in love with way back when.

changbin looks just as amazing as ever, maybe even more attractive. he still sports those soft, dark curls in his shaggy hair that falls right under his eyes. he's more buff in comparison to when you last saw him three years ago.

the longer you let your eyes look over him, the more you're taken back, that sense of nostalgia washing over you. he's right, this moment is reminiscent of your two-year anniversary. 

you remember the months leading up to that day as if it were yesterday.

you remember repeatedly asking your boyfriend how you two should celebrate the milestone that was coming just around the corner. in response, he would always say he would be the one to take care of everything and that all you needed to do was sit back and relax. 

the boy was clad in light blue denim jeans, a navy varsity-styled jacket with a white shirt underneath, his hair tousled as it fell in front of his black-rimmed glasses when he knocked at your door. greeting your family before whisking you away for a night you will never forget.

changbin quite literally drove you off into the sunset, one hand gripping the wheel whilst his other held your hand in his. the both of you belting out to the playlist you created together, one that grew as each day passed. 

by the time you arrived at your destination, the sun had set behind the skyline as the dark sky loomed over the city. you remember the way your jaw slacked in awe at the breathtaking sight of all the stars. 

"i've never been this close to the stars! they're so much closer from up here!" 

you stood there gaping at the stars for what felt like eternity, while changbin stood beside you, his eyes full of affection as he stared at you. oh, his eyes. you would think he captured the stars in his eyes with the way they sparkled at the sight of you. that night on the hill, you and changbin were laid next to each other on the hood of his car, cuddled in each other's arms as you talked about anything and everything that came into your minds.

there you were in the arms of your lover, alone together in your own starry heaven. everything seized to exist other than you and your intertwined hearts.

you and changbin, together against the world.

nothing will ever come close to that level of perfection. that ethereal moment you've etched into your brain, you'd much rather be damned than to have that moment wiped from your memory.

"yeah… it does. the sky, the stars… just... everything brings me back."

"it was definitely not as chilly that night," changbin smiles.

half of his statement refers to the weather and the other half refers to how you were huddled up next to him that night. as opposed to now, where the space between your bodies lets in a cool draft.

you chuckle and shake your head, "the weather was great, not too hot and not too cold. just perfect."

lying next to him, reminiscing on your two-year anniversary as a couple has a question popping up in your minds.

if given the chance, would you go back? would you choose each other again?

the question is nothing new. a recurring thought over the past three years. 

over the past three years, you've collected a pool of unanswered questions regarding your relationship with changbin: the how's, what's, when's and why's. how could you not wonder? nothing in the world could surpass your love for seo changbin.

three years later and you have never loved as deeply as you have for the man beside you.

you're both listening to the steady breaths of the one lying next you as both your minds run a mile a minute. allowing a brief silence to settle before changbin is the one to break the silence.

"i'm sorry."

"sorry? ...for what?"

"just… everything."

when you turn to look in changbin's direction, your eyes meet for the first time that night. god, it feels as if your heart stopped at that exact moment. the delay was so long you could have dropped dead right there.

but you lived off the way your eyes locked with changbin's. finding your breath again with each twinkle of the stars reflecting off his black-rimmed glasses. finding your pulse starting up again, this time beating out of your chest as his deep brown eyes bore into your own. breathing the life back into you.

your gazes soften, a wave of nostalgia washing over the both of you; a memory of what you once had together.

a breath of the life you shared three years ago.

you stare at each other wordlessly. soaking in a feeling of comfort neither of you has felt in three years, one you only received from the one lying next to you.

"i'm sorry too. for everything."

"it's not your fault," he shakes his head, "i fell short in the end and i wasn't the boyfriend you deserved."

you're shaking your own head, "i was a terrible girlfriend. i wouldn't have stayed with me either."

"you were–are– amazing," changbin states, "you've always been."

"that's not true. don't say that, i know i hurt you with the things i said."

somewhere along the line of your relationship with changbin, things started to go awry. your lives began to clash; school and work priorities building and creating distance between you two. it felt like your relationship was slowly slipping away, schedules ran tight and pressures ran high. 

you remember petty arguments, the back-and-forth bickering between the both of you when you were able to see each other. 

"and i hurt you. i was never there when you needed me, i promised you that you could trust me, depend on me but i broke that in the end."

"that's not your fault. i couldn't be there when you needed me either."

"and that wasn't your fault either, our schedules didn't line up anymore."

"but… i could've tried har—"

"there was only so much we could do and you tried your absolute hardest," changbin interrupts you, "time just... wasn't on our side."

you hate to admit that even without the petty, groundless arguments, the end was inevitable. 

your relationship no longer fit into the other's increasingly hectic schedule, any and all the attempts came with sacrifices with school or work, and in the end, there was no healthy way to incorporate that time for each other. all the time you did spend together was plagued by stress and high tensions, only pushing you two further apart. 

no matter how hard you tried to salvage your relationship, everything else tried even harder to ruin it.  

the anger and dejection only grew stronger as time passed. the both of you wondering why things weren't going your way no matter how hard you worked for it. you felt dejected that your efforts came without fruition. upset that the time you did have together was limited, fleeting and full of the pressures your individual lives were weighing on you. 

"can i ask something?" your voice is almost inaudible but changbin hums in response, "why did you leave when you did?"

changbin blinks slowly as he processes your words.

"i didn't want things to get worse."

"what do you mean?"

"i didn't want to end things between us on a bad note. for us to part ways hating each other."

"i could never hate you."

"maybe, but we'd grow to resent each other even if we didn't mean to. wondering if our efforts were in vain, that no matter how hard we tried the universe worked harder against us."

"did you… resent me in the end?"

"i would've rather died instead of growing to hate or resent you."

your head snaps in his direction and his to yours. your eyes wide with shock at how he said that without hesitation.

"what we had between us, i didn't want it to be overshadowed by months of arguing."

changbin has never loved anyone the way he loves you. 

early on in your relationship, changbin wholeheartedly believed you were the best thing to ever happen to him. no one cared for him, accepted him and understood him in the way you did. no one made him as happy as you did.

when he realized that your relationship became a source of stress in your increasingly hectic lives, he made the difficult decision to leave.

the people that come in and out of your life come either as a blessing or a lesson; changbin believes you are a blessing in his life.

people slip in and out of your life, fuck around and make you rethink everything. the memories of them are associated with the phrases: "i should have known better" or "you learn from your mistakes".

and he would rather be damned than to be a lesson.

he knew that with the direction both your lives were headed into at the time, the end was inevitable and if things between you two had to end then, in your out-of-control lives, he wanted the last semblance of control here.

"the thought of losing you scared me shitless," changbin continues, "but what scared me even more was that you could one day regret all of this, everything we had. that you would leave regretting ever loving me."

"… i didn't know you were thinking that way," your voice trails off at the end, thoughts still delayed as you process the words of your ex-boyfriend lying next to you.

you take a moment before you continue.

"at one point, i wasn't even mad or upset with you anymore... i was mad at the universe. the circumstances."

when you and changbin broke up, you often wondered what the universe had in store for you after such excruciating heartbreak. but the pain didn't even stop with changbin; it seemed like the universe had it against you as else in your life began to downward spiral. 

you struggled to adjust to the growing hustle and bustle of your life while also struggling to adapt without your person.

oftentimes, you imagined taking a trek up to climb the tallest mountain in the world. exerting all that blood, sweat and tears for the opportunity to let everything out into the void. you imagined standing on the highest point on earth would be as physically close as you could get to the universe. 

maybe from up there, the universe would be able to hear the desperation, the pain that came from wondering what you did to deserve this; to have loved so passionately and to have lost, to experience such excruciating pain.

if the universe didn't align for a life with changbin, you laid awake wondering what it did align for. if it would be worth it. 

what could be more worth it than him? 

with a bittersweet smile on your lips you say, "nothing aligned for us in this lifetime. maybe, in the next lifetime."

you're trying your hardest to control and suppress your emotions as your eyes gloss over, tears threatening to fall. changbin's eyes stay fixed on you as he, much like you did earlier, analyzes your features all over again as if it was the first time.

changbin pays close attention to every detail, etching it into his mind.

"whose to say that?" changbin's eyes meet your own once again, a glint present in his chocolate brown orbs, "this lifetime isn't over yet."

your eyes, still blown wide with surprise, meet changbin's. you would think he captured the stars in his eyes with the way they sparkled at the sight of you.

"in this lifetime and the next, i'll love you."

"does that mean you'll love me for eternity?"

"our love is so strong it transcends lifetimes. we'll always find our way back to each other."

main masterlist

[letomills]

@simmer-until-tender shared the link to Beau Vina's lovely outfit and now here we are. Seems the AF original is inaccessible now so I remade it from these default replacements by @ello-sims. Also converted for TF, EF and Lifa / @withlovefromsimtown's trans TM & AM-EM. Everyone gets a fat morph, adults and teens also have preg morphs. Categorized as everyday, the M recolors are BSOK'd. Polycount: 6,888.

↳ Download all custom: SFS / Mega

Since I added the morphs to AF and fixed a couple other things, I edited @ello-sims's default replacements with the new mesh and fixed textures.

↳ Download defaults: SFS / Mega

Previews and details below.

Recolors can be either standalone or repo'd to AF, TM can alternatively be repo'd to AM-EM.

AF ↓

EF ↓

TF ↓

Lifa's trans AM-EM (aemTr) ↓

Lifa's trans TM (tmTr) ↓

~

~

Unessential details about the original AF mesh for those who have time to read my rambles:

• I don't know where it's from (just the shoes are Semller's Adidas Superstar sneakers) but I don't think that mesh was made specifically for these recolors because the waist didn't match the Maxis AF waist. I believe it was meant as a single-piece dress. I made the executive decision to edit it to match the AF waist exactly, to better suit the bare mid-section we have going on here. • Again, I don't know who made this mesh, but for some reason, there are full feet inside the shoes (maybe the delete key wasn’t working that day idk) and it's all merged in a single near-inextricable group. You can't see it at all in game. Obviously I did try to shoeswap with clean Adidas Superstars but the mapping didn’t match at all, maybe these shoes have been converted twice with different mappings, idk I gave up. But the presence of those feet that I did not hate myself enough today to try and delete vertice by vertice means that the polycount is a bit inflated compared to how it should be ideally, nothing major though. • As I said, for some reason everything is merged in a single group, which may explain the sneakers' mapping (they had to fit somehow). But even if the sneakers did roughly fit, they still bled onto the fingers a little, and more egregiously for the weed recolor only, bled along a leg (that recolor cannot have been tested like what are we doing). I deleted those extra bits of textures so that won't be an issue anymore. • The skirt would clip with the back of the thighs during the walking animation, that's now fixed.

Alright that's it have fun ~

[frenchfrywrites]

His Treasure

MINORS DNI

Warnings: Service/sub top male reader, power/dom bottom yandere Rook Hunt, reader has an oral fixation, possessiveness, jealousy, obsessiveness, praise, lil dumbification, mommy kink, feminization, blowjob, ruined orgasm, sub space, google translate french

A weight on your lap wakes you up in the middle of the night. You blink away the sleep from your eyes, groaning softly as you adjust from being ripped from your peaceful slumber. 

“Rook?” you mumble, faintly making out his face from the moonlight seeping in from your open window. 

“Bonne soirée, mon amour,” he greets you softly, cupping your face with a gloved hand. Knowing it’s him atop of you, you bring your hands to his thighs, which are stationed at either side of your hips, squeezing the muscled flesh there affectionately. You’re delighted by his presence, despite not knowing why he’s in your room, or how he got here for that matter. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask sleepily, leaning into his touch. He hums softly, his sharp green eyes practically glowing in the moonlight. His hand goes from your face to your neck, finding your pulse and pressing there gently. Your breath hitches, and any exhaustion from being awoken leaves your body as goosebumps bloom across your skin. 

“I saw you with Cater this afternoon,” Rook muses. You nod, remembering the moment in question, but you don’t remember Rook being around when it happened. “Whatever could Monsieur Magicam want from you?” you audibly swallow at his question,

“Um he just wanted to see my notes for Trein’s class, and then he wanted to take a picture together,” you explain, feeling nervous, even though you know you don’t have any reason to be. Rook hums again, smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I see,” he sighs, “I understand his desire to photograph you, mon beau, however…” his gaze finally shifts away from you. The pause he takes is light, but you feel uneased by it all the same. “I hope he does not post it,” Rook finally continues, “I would be very displeased if others could so easily acquire access to your beauty. You are a rare jewel, a treasure, and you should not be exploited,” he rambles, returning his attention to you. You smile, for even though it’s excessive, any praise from Rook makes your heart flutter.

Rook returns your smile lovingly, letting out a pleased sigh as he looks down at you.

“Ah, mon amour, je suis désolé, I just can’t help myself when it comes to you,” he leans down to kiss your cheek, “forgive me, it’s selfish, but mommy wants to keep you all to himself,” he whispers in your ear. An excited shiver runs down your spine, and you can already feel the beginnings of arousal setting in.

“I’ll ask Cater not to post the picture,” you tell him, wanting nothing more but for your lover to be pleased with you. Rook kisses your cheek again before pulling away a bit,

“Tell him to delete it,” he all but orders. You nod, and Rook smiles happily. “Good boy,” he hums as he begins pulling off his gloves. 

Slowly, painfully so, he brushes his now bare fingers against your lips, before leaning down to kiss you properly. You accept the kiss eagerly, opening your mouth when his tongue licks against your lips. Rook’s hands find their way to your chest, and he presses his thumbs against your nipples. You can feel him smile into the kiss when you moan from his light touches. 

When he pulls away, he leaves you breathless and aching for more. “I want you inside me,” he hums, grinding back against your half hard cock.

“Yeah,” you practically whine, bucking your hips up, chasing the pleasure. Rook makes a noise that’s halfway between a moan and a laugh at your reaction. 

“So impatient,” he chastises, his hands moving downwards so he can help you pull off your sleep shirt. You flush as Rook stares you down. It’s moments like this that remind you of your lover's fascination with hunting. There’s no better way to put it, but he makes you feel like caught prey at times. 

“So impatient, but alas, I can’t deny you,” he laughs, pulling his own shirt off. Now it’s your turn to admire him. Uncontrollably, you salivate looking at his chest. Your arousal grows as you remember how many times you’ve sucked and played with his nipples as he’s cradled your head and waxed poetic about you. 

“Ah,” he runs his own hands over his chest, instantly taking notice of where you’re focused on, “does my baby boy want to suck on mommy’s breasts?” he asks, amusement clear in his voice. 

“Yeah,” you moan again, leaning up so you can do so. Rook stops you by pushing your chest back onto the bed. He tuts,

“I know you have better manners than that, mon amour,” you exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Sorry, please, can I, mommy?” Rook smiles at your correction. 

“You may,” he permits, and you can’t get your mouth on him fast enough. Rook laughs at your zeal, but is cut off when you take one of his nipples into your mouth and suck. He moans softly, holding your head gently. “There we go, good boy,” you moan at his praise, looking up to see his pleasured expression. 

“Hm if only mommy had milk for you,” he says dejectedly, and your cock throbs at the thought. You whimper, sucking more fervently, like any second now your wish will be granted. Rook arches his back, pressing your face more against his chest.

“You make me feel so-oh good,” he coos, moving your face from one nipple to the other. You give the other side the same attention, sucking and licking at his skin. There have been times when you’ve mouthed at his skin for hours, but tonight you’re wound up and itching to be inside him. 

“Please,” you groan, pulling away from his chest, “please can I fuck you mommy?” you ask, oh so politely. 

“Asking me so nicely,” he grins down at you, “how could I possibly say no?” leaning down, he kisses you lovingly. Your hands wander for the first time tonight, tugging on the waistband of his pants. Rook assists you, and sooner than later you’re both naked, your clothes in a heap on the floor. 

You’re more than happy to be fully undressed, because it was starting to get uncomfortable having your dick strain against your sleep pants. Plus, now you can see Rook’s pretty cock, and how hard he is. You find yourself salivating once again as you stare at him unabashedly. Rook lets out a breathy giggle, jerking his hips up so his dick bobs against his stomach.

“You want mommy in your mouth, non?” you whine at being called out. He hums, “I think you might have an oral fixation, mon cher,” he jokes lightly. You don’t respond, and your silence is as good of an answer as anything you could’ve said. He touches your lip again, “nevertheless, that will have to wait until later,” you nod, excited by the promise of a future blowjob, “right now you have to stretch me.” He pauses,

“Do you think you can do that? Or do you need mommy’s help?” he teases. 

“I can do it, I just need-” you pause, looking around. Rook reaches behind you, under the pillow where you were soundly asleep not long ago. He presents you with a vial of lube you didn’t even know was there, and you’re far too consumed with lust to wonder how it got there. “Thank you mommy,” you mumble softly, lubing up your fingers as fast as possible. 

“You’re welcome, baby,” he kisses your face, then leans forward, wrapping his arms around your shoulders, so you can reach around and finger him open. 

As your fingers brush against his puffy hole, you busy your mouth by sucking a mark onto his neck. You can feel his pulse under your tongue, it quickens when you press one into him. 

“Good boy,” he coos, pressing himself back against your hand. Spurred on by his praise, you ease another finger into him, spreading your fingers and working him open for you. 

You have him gasping for breath and moaning in no time. Your cock is throbbing and aching with need as you fuck him with three fingers. 

“Enough,” he says gently, after a moment, “fuck me,” you whimper at his command, giving a final kiss against his skin before pulling away.

Slowly, you ease your fingers out of him, and grab the lube again. You coat your cock with it, then look to Rook for permission. He smiles at you affectionately,

“So sweet,” he kisses you lips chastely, “you know how to beg, don’t you?” 

“Please, mommy, please let me fuck you,” you whine, your hands squeezing the meat of his thighs so you can ground yourself. Rook lets out a pleased hum, and aligns himself with your dick. You watch as he lowers himself inch by inch until he’s fully seated on you.

“Mama,” you gasp, feeling overwhelmed beyond belief already. Rook doesn’t let you adjust to the feeling of his hot, wet, clenching hole, before he starts moving. “Mommy- Rook- wait-” he pauses, holding himself up with just your tip inside. 

“Were you going to cum, mon trésor?” he asks breathlessly. You nod, and he moans, “that’s okay, that’s okay,” he reassures, kissing you lovingly, “tell me when you’re ready, my love.” A couple heavy, steadying breaths later you feel good enough to continue, and you tell him as much.

Once again Rook slides down your cock, and sets up a slow pace for you. 

“It makes mommy very happy that- ah- I have this effect on you,” he confesses, gazing at you fiercely, the way he looks at you when you catch his eye across the packed halls and you already know he’s been looking at you the whole time. “Hah, my pussy feels so-oh good, non?” you groan and nod, your hips jerking up into him, he grins wildly, “you only want mommy, oui? Oh, you’d only fuck me? You’d only love me?” 

“Yes, yes, yes,” you babble, grasping weakly at his thighs, and letting him ride you into the bed. 

“Say it,” he all but begs, picking up the pace.

“Nghh, I only wuh-want you mommy, and I oh-only wanna fuck you, ah-and I only love you,” you struggle through it, your brain muddled with lust, but that doesn’t seem to phase Rook. He bounces on your cock, moaning at your words, clenching tightly around you. And then, catching you entirely off guard, Rook cums. 

His mouth drops open, letting out erratic breaths as he rides himself through his orgasm, his cum making a mess of your stomach and chest. Awestruck, you watch him, getting so close to your own climax, yet you’re unable to finish before he slows down and slumps against you.

“Mommy?” you can’t help but sound so small at this moment, so unsure of what’s going to happen next, all tense and stressed over not being able to cum. Rook runs a hand through his hair, then gives you a soft smile. 

“I’m sorry baby,” he leans in to kiss you, “ah, that took me off guard as well,” he confesses. You whine as he begins to lift himself off your lap. Rook shushes you, “don’t fret, mommy is going to make you feel good,” he promises. 

Rook lifts off your cock, then pushes you so you’re laying down fully. He collects his cum from where it splattered against your bodies, then lifts his hand to your mouth. You drop your jaw obediently, and clean up his fingers, moaning at the taste. 

“Good boy, now,” he takes his fingers from your mouth, “I recall telling you that you could take me in your mouth earlier,” your eyes widen as you too remember his words. There’s a few seconds of readjusting, and then Rook has his thighs on either side of your face, his flaccid penis just inches away from your awaiting mouth.

Not wasting another moment, he eases his cock inside of your mouth, and you take all of him inside easily. It’s different from when you’ve sucked off his erect dick, that much is obvious. You simply hold him in your mouth, sucking and swallowing around him, cleaning his cock of any leftover cum. As you hold him in your mouth, the outside world disappears fully, and you sink into the happy, fuzzy feeling you only get with Rook.

“Ah, look at you,” Rook muses, tracing the features of your face lovingly, “my sweet boy, taking me so well, making me feel so good.” You feel him twitch in your mouth, and pre leaks from your neglected dick. “Submissive, pacified, and impeccable,” you moan around him, and his dick begins to swell in your mouth. “All mine, making me feel good, only me,” he rambles, and you know from the wild look on his face that warning bells should be ringing, but currently all you can feel is euphoria. 

Your eyes fluttered shut at some point, as your mouth fills with his hardening dick. You have to stop yourself from choking as it presses against your throat. If drool is seeping from your mouth from the intrusion, you’re too far gone to realize it. 

When you feel a hand circle around your dick, your eyes open up. Rook, arching his back and reaching behind himself to jerk you off, is the sight you’re met with. The lube still wet on your dick allows for him to stroke you smoothly. His thighs squeeze around your head as he stabilizes himself. 

You moan around his length, jerking your hips into his touch. Rook smiles down at you, “are you close, mon amour?” he asks breathlessly, shallowly thrusting his now fully hard dick further down your throat.

You don’t answer- you can’t, of course- but the way your dick twitches and leaks pre is evidence enough. He quickens his pace then gives special attention to your tip; the fire in your loins grows, and you feel your cock twitch. He’s pulling off all the stops, and it’s having the desired effect on you. You grab his hips, squeezing the flesh there and pulling him closer, so his cock is as far down your throat as possible, and your nose is buried fully in his pubic hair.

“Ah-” Rook gasps, “go ahead baby, cum for mommy,” he murmurs, looking at you through his lashes. His permission topples you over the edge with a groan and a hip thrust. Your eyes glaze over, pleasure overcoming every ounce of your being. 

Rook catches your cum in his hand, carefully working you off until you come down from your high. Nearly a second later, he cums for a second time, down your throat. You swallow it down, choking and gurgling around him as it shoots down your throat and into your stomach. 

In a haze, you keep sucking and licking around his cock until he begins to lift his hips. “Come on, love,” he coaxes you to let him go. You lick your drool slicked lips once his cock leaves your mouth, a satisfied smile gracing your face. Rook mirrors your smile, flopping down next to you. 

He wipes his cum covered hand on your bedding, then hauls you into his arms. You’re still in that fuzzy space where you aren’t fully there, but you know you like being held, so you press yourself as much as you can against him. This pleases Rook immensely. 

“Bien précieux,” he says softly, “my darling treasure. I love you so much,” he looks expectantly down at you. Wanting nothing more than to please him, you reply with a hoarse,

“Love you too.” Rook hums, 

“It’ll just be the two of us together forever, isn’t that right mon cher?” he asks, taking advantage of your sleepy, eager to please state. You nod, and Rook kisses you before you both succumb to your exhaustion. 

You sleep soundly in his arms, unaware to the fact that you’d just sealed your fate with Rook.

[zoanzon]

Someone on a discord I'm in asked us older-uns who were adults during the 2016 election what to do. I have no fucking clue, but I still managed to dig up some thoughts. It's long as shit, barely edited, and you don't know me from Bob in terms of 'credibility', but it's my few cents.

TLDR:

Back up content you want or need off the web now, before FOSTA-SESTA or related 'authoritarian censorship' stuff rolls out. This can be that your favorite fic you'd be heartbroken to see purged for being marked as pornographic content; this is also downloading family photos from Google Drive.

Learn how to garden, or learn how you can learn to garden in a pinch of you lose money and/or supply chains get fucked.

Have you heard of OPSEC and INFOSEC? Good, that's a start. Learn more. If you haven't heard of them, learn quick. This is 'loose lips sink ships' and 'do not take phones to protests (or anything else that might get judicial crackback)' as much as its 'get a VPN and make sure its reputable'.

And the original rambling post, for anyone interested:

Is more an abstract 'thing to do', but as a historian and amateur archivist who knows history of censorship, etc: Think about what you want to back-up. What you need saved, or think needs to be saved, and what you can save. If you've got stuff online on sites you think might not survive FOSTA-SESTA or Musk and Peter Thiel types getting carte blanch, back it up. If you go through a webpage you think should be saved to look back on for 'here is how things became what they are', save it. Looking back at 2016 when 'grab em by the pussy' was the most egregious shit - when the original Unite the Right rally happened and we were aghast - compared to now, its night and day. We got here day by day. This time it might be a bit more abrupt. Still. What are the posts, the pages, the tweets you think need to be saved, for yourself or for history? Save it.

(For example: SingleFile is a firefox addon that allows you to save, Wayback-style, webpages to your personal files and keeps all embedded media from the page! If you SingleFile a wikipedia page, you have it downloaded; if you hit a reddit page, you'll have it with intact formatting; and it'll even capture stills of tumblr pages with all posts on said pages. If you are looking at this Read More? If I ever get deactivated, this Read More is lost. The first part of the post can be reblogged, but no one can get into Read More sections of posts whose OP has seen deactivated. SingleFile the page you have this post opened in, and you have it on-hand forever. Wayback also exists, but that's contingent on the Internet Archive - Wayback's parent - surviving things. If it does, it does; but if you think your personal files will survive longer (or want to access osmething sans internet), SingleFile is there for you.)

Hell, between 'what if this gets censored off the web?' and 'what if I want to have a copy of this on-hand even without internet?' is a possible approach here. What fanfics would you like to have on hand, and to not loose to a site-purge? What Youtube videos bring you joy, and which ones are records you want kept from this time? What media do you want to pirate in case a company deletes old product, and how might that get worse under a second Trump reign? Start there, and figure out what else to back up next.

Otherwise, if you don't think you're going to be able to make it out of the country and you want to prepare for if things truly do go to shit, some things to look into include:

Do you know how to grow food? Otherwise, figure out if you have easy access to ways to learn (library, downloaded how-to PDFs, your gardener friend, etc). There's been intermittent episodes about food-growing (and community gardening) on It Could Happen Here

Maybe listen to It Could Happen Here, or at least put it on your watchlist. Robert (a long-time political-extremism journalist) originally started it in 2019 as a 'here is how a second american civil war could start' thing, and transitioned it into daily discussion of how to survive 'it' happening here...such as what's happening right now. Listen to ICHH; it might be depressing, but him and his cohosts know what they're talking about.

Learn what info-security and operations-security is. Any sort of activism is likely to be more dangerous than protests in the last few years, and those have still been a shitshot. Whether its 'do not take your phone to protests' to 'download a VPN' to 'loose lips sink ships': learn about the concepts, make sure you know how you can learn more. This is especially true if you wait to do this, as the more time any theoretical authoritarian govts have time to prepare, the more they might notice what info you are searching for. Paranoid? Not pessimistic enough? I'd rather you be thinking of this now than to realize its far too late.

Beyond that, yeah: if you can get out, that's not a bad idea. You're asking us for advice on how to survive, and the horrid fact is: this time is going to be so much worse. There's been more time for things to fester, more time for the fascists to gather power, more time for them to grow bloodthirsty. Again. History major. This is going to be really fucking bad.

Whether you get out or not, people need to come together more. Last time, the fascism rippled out: Trump got in, and a lot of similar cases went masks-off (or won elections) elsewhere. The same is likely true this time. In America or not, people need to come together; and it's the only way we'll survive or hold our own.

And in the meantime: figure out what you can save, or need to save. Save it. Figure out how to garden, or how to do maintenance on stuff that might start crumbling as shit gets bad, or figure out the basics of infosec and opsec. Do multiple if you can; do individual ones if you can't, or can reasonably work with others to cover each other's weaknesses.

It's still going to suck. There's no way this doesn't suck. Frankly, there's no way there's not going to be at least some horrific atrocities; it's just a question of how many, and how quick they start up. That's the best thing I can recommend, honestly, is: it's good to hope things somehow work out, but don't stick your head in the sand. If you hope the leopards don't eat your face because you stay still and don't move, maybe you'll live? But maybe not, and maybe you'll just see someone else get eaten. Preparing won't necessarily save you anyways. But, it'll buy you better odds, and it'll make the fascists a bit more annoyed, and enough annoyances might fuck them still. Hopefully this helps in some way.

[starrylayle]

"Don't get me started on jegulus" actually please get started I'd like to hear your thoughts on it because your take on wolfstar and the oc-ification of some characters is so refreshing to see (tbh my first reaction to jegulus was just confusion on how it started and how quickly it got popular lmao)

ahh this makes so happy to hear that my post resonated with some people!! Was worried i was in the minority lol.

Anyways, abt jegulus -- i acc had a reaaally long post about how much i hated the dynamic (in canon compliant ish works -- Jegulus in aus is fine ig) but i deleted it lol.

I think the core reason why i dislike the pairing so much is that I feel like it the ship goes against everything James stands for. We don't know a lot about James' character in canon, but what we do know is that he had a strong sense of justice, and fierce loyalty to his friends and his cause, which ultimately led to his doom. I just can't imagine that James would associate with someone even a little bit bigoted. This is not to say i think James is a saint, i think he could be an ass sometimes (snapes worst memory lol) but i think he'd draw the line at someone who was associated with 'evil'. James had a very black and white view of good and bad and i just don't think it would make sense for James to date reg, esp as he is becoming a death eater. James may be a dick but he is also the biggest ally to ever ally !!

The only jegulus fics I have read are 'Just Lovers' and 'Choices'. Just lovers is a non-voldy au so i don't really have a problem with their dynamic there but choices on the other hand,, oh boy.

Spoilers for 'Choices' by MesserMoon btw (TW for talk of SA):

Regulus' friends rape Mary. And instead of feeling disgusted on the victim’s behalf, (who has been his friend for 5 years) James instead feels upset because it tarnishes the ‘good’ image he has of reg in his head. Thing is when a similar situation happened (The Prank ™), James was upset that Sirius would do such a thing but he also felt disgusted on behalf of Remus. Where was that energy here, huh?? I’ve even seen comments villianising Mary (the rape victim).

The thing I also hate about their dynamic is that it is basically an ally of the oppressor and ally of the oppressed. The problem with that is that when you are allied with the oppressor, you become an oppressor yourself (and reg does; he does terrible things) and that subsequently makes the so-called ally of the oppressed in cahoots with the oppressor as well. This brings so many parallels to real life where people say that they are an “ally” but become friends with/date a racist/rapist. “Oh but they’re nice to me”. its just a little ew.

And in other jegulus canon-compliant-ish fics, sometimes instead of James' character being watered down its Regulus' character. Like, he's not as morally grey, not as complex etc so it makes sense that James would agree to date him. I feel like jegulus as a ship ruins the core of what made their characters so interesting in the first place.

That being said,,, i do love me some canon-compliant unrequited jegulus. Regulus goes to hogwarts, gets so mad at Sirius for ditching him or whatever, but falls in love with the very guy that stole sirius away. He also has internalised homophobia because he's a Black brother so imagine the angst. James potter goes against everything he stands for,, sirius betrayed him,, but perhaps they're right abt smth?? Perhaps he needs to do smth. alone.

sorry for rambling but these are my thoughts on jegulus !! Anyways I feel like I should reiterate that this is a personal preference!! I think it ruins core of these characters, i prefer jily and i love me some unrequited gay pining for the boy who you're brother replaced u with. But this is just a personal preference !

oh and just a side note if it ever led to a decision where james had to choose between sirius and regulus -- no matter how much he 'allegedly' loved regulus, he would choose sirius, no questions asked.

[zerguette]

*comes in and sits down politely on your floor* Would you be able to share with us anything about Jhostin and your mafia faction? Maybe even a couple of things about your Toppat OCs? I am very curious about this band of people you've got hehe, their designs are just amazing!

Okey dokie okie dokie okie dokie -explodes-

-sits politely - sit and prepare yourself for the rant

but first (and i apologize if some stuff is hard to understand, english is not the best thing with me so I STRUGGLE to explain my ideas in this language ough)

this thing is very loooong so yeah

To get to Jhostin lore, I'll start with the mafia guys. Lightpathers are an asian-american mafia, they also go by The SL(Sen-dero-Lumi-noso, i feel like addibg lines i don't want to trigger Tumblr's anger), which is a reference a te-rro-rist group that had a big impact in my country (Perú), which i would recommend reading about a bit! As It IS a just a reference to this group, this mafia is not a harsh as how this disgusting people were. They just are kind of a small confederance of guys that got high enough to want to set a new order in the world. Not entirely but thats how i joke about them.

The SL has a different distribution of power, there are actually 7 leaders, (Joaquín is not one! But is like the right hand of Arcturus and the one who calculates almost everything), and have been hidden years, the main head of 'Deleting the CCC and making this timeline ours and taming chaos and oh god im SO high' is Yuang Yang. AND!! A way to distinguish a SL member, is by something really special, they either wear a golden ring with a star of four points or an earring of the same star! (in case of one of the leaders, she wears earrings of many pearls but its because she wanted not to copy others)

(But after being traumatized dying and dying and nobody remembering past timelines, he ends using the CCC arsenal against the same last universe he's living on, because at the end, he is also a complete believer that stronger ones survive, and to erradicate CCC, there must be more sacrificing that he at first intended. CCC can't do nothing, because murdering people who doesnt cause chaos, is not actually something they can fix, but they are put at edge, because Yuang forces the CCC to see, the worst outcome of their actions [or what he considers the worst but it still works out]

i hc some sticks do only exist in certain timelines, this is why, Yuang has never existed in a succesful timeline. And also it's like universe is a big pc, where you have many back-ups but no way to restore these, as same as some sticks can only exist/live in certain timelines, is at same some sticks can not longer exist after their mother timeline is wiped off, and, mother timeline is and can't be considered an ending for these sticks, because it is stated they'll always live in this one (right? they will always live on this one, right?).

Yuang Yang, 70yo asian stick, he's an anomaly, because he's been able to keep his memories through the timelines and reached a conclusion (which i talked with Saisk before in a ramble), this is his final timeline and so of the other leaders. He founded the SL on all the past timelines we visit with Henry in the games, but he never succeded ar all (cuz he happened to just exist with the other leaders and The SL ONLY in the ones we fail, which are A LOT.) -> So what is an anomaly, is how I call Henry, and the sticks who are able to understand the time and reality (CCC are just built different), or have different powers (which is what rises chaos levels). Yuang has died and lived so many times to realize he's literally on the last rectangle of life, given being an anomaly gets you one simple symptomp -> The Weird Dreams, dreaming about stuff where you have options, places and things you can create. The reality here can be a bit Wicked and hard to understand, ;_;. But dreams are the symptomp of having more control(chaos) than you should have. This after Yuang spent his entire (last)youth investigating and getting to certain conclusions.

Yuang is a key character in my au, because he's the main reason why everything happens. He did admired how Henry, an anomaly like he, like Alexandrovna, like Carlo, Like Arcturus and other leaders, was able to control his power so completely (the fact Henry connects two timelines in FtC, given you have either calling Gov or Toppats but arent you in other timeline already?, he is able to manipulate reality at his own will), but he didnt like that even if everything goes on, for some reason Henry does always follow what he wants. Yuang is a character that has been and has been always there, never actually lived an Ending, which he knows exists, but he happens to die! For some reason something happens! For some reason each time you fail the Game it's like the world disssppears and the screams and the chaos! And you wake up again, breathing rapidly, but Yuang has always woken up from this nightmare in his youth (20yo), Henry events happens when he's like 70 years, so you get it. He had time, and he realized the CCC was always there (and has always been there) as the one entity that controls everything, because "You all not know how easy are we to wipe off! How easy is it for them to press a buttom and get rid of us! Because of some stupid inestability."

Yuang hates and despises CCC for this Main reason, and has always questioned the reasons and actions of Henry (he only admires the power), he has never talked to him, but he keeps wondering if Henry is aware that everytime he fails and starts again, he doesnt know The destruction this causes. He does wonder, hes just a guy who ended making a big high to heavens idea. And his plan is just getting rid of the CCC and 'doing correctly' what Henry couldnt. Saving this timeline, saving his comrades, saving this people.

Oksana Alexandrovna Karenina, 51 years old russian stick, even if old she has aged like wine. A powerful woman, who covers her scars because showing theses is like showing weakness, she is straight but supportive. And has been given mind control powers (in this one, the variant that kills, like she literally can stare at you and force you to shut down because you happened to annoy her) and here is where you won't longer like Yuang, Alexandrovna powers were helpful! She actually wanted to travel as a biologist, and got to be able to talk with animals thelepathically, she was a very happy woman until a strange man appeared in her journeys, and she was kind of brainwashed, Yuang would totally sometimes sent heists and this involves killing, Alexandrovna disliked the whole idea of killing another one, it was, terrifying for her. She loved life, and Yuang just, with his great way of talking and brainwashing with words, no need of power, told her she didnt have to wash her hands in blood, she could easily, you know, kill them by breaking their mind, and yeah, the young woman didnt want to, but Yuang would push and push this idea until she just did it, and ended going down into the hole. She then became a narcissist woman who can't acept her own errors, and deep inside her heart, she still just wants to be out in the nature and talk with animals, deep inside her cold heart, she never wanted this. But she also realized this was her last timeline, she can't afford thinking about the mass destruction, she might have ended killing innocents, but no, she's not into causing a huge massacre. And she has a crush on Carlo, since so time ago, since they met…sighs…pain.

So, leaders do have the dreams about selecting options and stuff, but not actually go and do it, its a dream they live, we call it dream bc is them living in this timeline, until it is shut off and they face utter destruction. Yuang has no power to make things, he knows he can see options, he can see diferent paths, but never actually get to do it, in fact, its like ghost pain, its like the leaders know they can select, but for some reason it feels this power and options are very away from them, which in comparison to Henry, he does have the abillity to choose. And has the abillity to everything.

Yuang's power is actually hiding himself or cloaking, in a way, he can temporarily erase his own presence during certain period and make other sticks do not see or remember he was/is there. But when time is over, he is there again and the other sticks are left confused, because ''Boss, weren't you here before?'', But more than that, Yuang is gifted with having the abillity of remembering his past lives, where he knows he always dies because either toppats become so powerful or for some reason everything glitches out and damn . (Also to understand how it feels getting erased and how it feels timelines died, i suggest reading Robot Dreams from Isaac Asimov! its a good book! good stories! but there is one specially which can get you to get the feeling of it) Back to powers and stuff. we got the other guys who are not yet developed completely, Yuang got most of the lore by now, but it'll write down everything about them.

Carlo Horner Hershell, 54 yo american liutenant, general, sargeant, okey idk, hes same rank as Galeforce, but most everyone got used to call him Lt Carlo/Horner. He was enlisted in the forces by his father, he has always been so tall for others, out of his prom he was the tallest (210cm). Thing here is, Yuang studied and was a professor temporarily in America, but lived his childhood and teenhood in Asia, so he met young Carlo, because this last one asked to be allowed to get studies on a normal university at the same time he studied in the forces and served them (like doing double career, double university), this was permitted (also he is same age as Galeforce and both met and were besties, mhm, besties, roomates, omg they were roomates). Carlo's power is more like his body is the one of a predator? He has a pretty much normal power, just his senses are highened, at first he was only able to distinguish smells, but oh, hey Galeforce i just had one my professors of physics replaced by this weird one, he smells like ciggarretes. Yet for some reason Carlo was so invested in what Yuang taught, his classes were few, he was always travelling, always here and there, so having a lecture by him, was something special, and boy he did have lot of students, yet Yuang always was interested in Carlo, eventually they shared more than just lectures. Again, Yuang is a mastermind of brainwashing and so did Harlo got brainwashed, he still was the same easy-going idiot, who loved doing pranks, but weirdly enough as years went by his sense were more highened than normal, he got called "Bloody Horner", because even for being such a happy guy, he is very strict with his actions and orders, and hes also much of a fist fighter, he doesnt thinks twice when it comes about his enemy. He is more gay than any honor, having a crush (what a story) with Galeforce but then just ending like besties, Carlo is an old man (he dyes his hair to look young, let him be) and yeah, he loves men (im still debating but he screams gayness in all his spirit) and keeps feeling bad when Alexandrovna does the obvious enamoured gaze at him, because he somehow feels its so aching to be never able to correspond that love. He works in the north part of America! but time to time gets transfered back to be with his ol pal Galeforce. I often see him teaching Rupert or the Bukowski twins when he has the opportunity, he likes to test their abillities. He uses a ring of the star! and has a tongue piercing.

Arcturus Gutierrez, or more like ''Sargento Arturito'', he got his face burnt when a granade was thrown at him, hes 67yo, and loves drinking a shot of whiskey before starting a mission. Hes born in Mexico and loves his homeland, but ended joining the forces because he was kind of interested in meeting the superstar soldier who can't be beaten (aka, Carlo), he then ended travelling mostly to America because of this. He never got too much into the countries conflicts, in fact, he just happened to meet Yuang when he was on a normal airplane, there was this man who started talking with him and about how hard is being a professor and also an "investigator". As the other leaders, brainwash because i would add more text to this answer than i intend to. Hes like an old man, looks older than Yuang and sometimes uses a staff to be able to stand or walk. He also uses not an earring or ring, instead his uniform belt has a star form in the center. He's your old man, would make you a coffee and give you some tacos, why not. He and Joaquín are besties, where he just treats Joaquín as his own child (given he happened to have no wife no kids, just loneliness), and well his entire division are his small children. He babysits young soldiers like a good grandpa. He's the leader who is most neutral towars Yuang's fucked up ideas,,

The other leaders are still on the way of being designed! But you can tell where there are going to be :D, Alexandrovna dictates the plans of Europe, Carlo, the ones of America and Arcturus the ones of Latinoamerica, while Yuang the ones of Asia, but he also leads hidden heists around the world. He took as much advantage of the toppats being the spot of the eye for some many years, like damn, he got all the time he needed in this last timeline. Everything takes place in the ending of Triple Threat au wah. A bit after. who knows. who knows.

And from the side of Alexandrovna, the SL have a deep connection with the Wall :) (the first idea was actually making the Wall a new mafia like Toppats but i didnt like much the idea, i prefered them being a connection to a more bigger mafia/clan)

Oh And Joaquín!, hes a lovely boy! :D, he's very good at managing number and stuff, of course each leader has their respective rhm (the army of rhms), Joaquín is Arcturus' right hand, hes a communications guy and liason among all the leaders, more like the top right hand in the mafia/clan. Don't trust his smile, he'll absolutely blast a bomb without knowing, hes a bit silly. Hes always present in the leader's meeting, and the only right hand that takes participations on the plans, the others are not allowed to join the meetings.

Okie dokie we go with the other right hand, that is Soveigna!, believe or not, shes prob one of the most important character for this au, she is another anomaly with powers similar to Alexandrovna (there is a reason why she is her right hand), she ended blind at young age and lived mostly on darkness until she was found and she was given biotechnological eyes, she is muted selectively but she does speaks if needed. She's very strange, very quiet, always looking around, she has the weird dreams but can't remember them completely, its more like she wakes up and has memories of weird stuff that has been affecting her integrity, she never uses her powers only if she needs aid, she's like a beacon. (I like to think about powers a lot, but yeah Yuang did totally go into looking only for anomalies to join him, like toppats, toppats united cant be defeated!) Soveigna and Jhostin are very much togueter, being sent on spy missions togueter, she pilots and knows how to do her job perfectly. When the chaos started (thanks Yuang you crazy ass) she ended stuck in America, trying to escape with Jhostin they ended leaving the place but Soveigna received the order of flying away, and she never breaks an order. Jhostin didnt want to leave the entire country because what about the otehr guys! Their clan! What is happening? and he won't get an answer.

Jhostin is a silly boy!!! I love him so muchhhh ough, he lost his parents thanks to the SL, he never knew about this, he was 8 years old and ended orphan inside a house, alone, Dmitri and Grigori were sent to said house to raise this kid by orders from above. Jhostin was born in europe in such a cold place,his parents lived in the village that was the nearest to the Wall, at first he didnt like Dmitri and Grigori and tbh, these two were not good at raising a child. They were mostly, confused and stressed out and instead made Jhostin train and train until he becomes such a good soldier because they didnt know how to deal with a kid. Even though, they have never failed to look after his health or his studies, so yeah, they tried but it never justifies how shit they were and they have acepted Jhostin will never forgive them because making a child learn how to use a knife, is something unforgiving. Anyways, during Jhostin adolescence he met who is called His Brother, Dear Zar, they never got along, they just hated each other and tahts the story. Jhostin has a tendency of hissing and hes very close minded about opening to others, Dmitri and Grigori never mentioned about the SL, lets say they did care a little bit, but ironically Jhostin leaves and ends joining The Sl, the ones who killed his parents. He might look very serious and dangerous, he is! but he is good, and always prefers him being the one who ends with blood on his hands than others, because somehow he looks at beginners, everyone of the clan as smaller siblings and he has always had this older brotherly personality. He is a spy because hes so hard to spot, his movements are so wise, not making a simple noise, like a snake that doesnt hiss, like a tiguer ready to get his prey, and his machete is his bestie, he also has learnt muay thai and boxing, he's master when it comes to these two fighting arts. He takes care of Soveigna like if she is his very own sister, he adores her and always listens to her when she wants to say something, she is one of his motivations to continue, and the why he is always sure all missions are successful, she has taken the best out of him.

and yeah the other right hands are also being designed, because i tend to put much effort into their descriptions, maybe too much.

Either way, you've asked about the Jhostin, I shall give you Jhostin, I know you love him, He Appreaciates The Love.

Jhostin is 167cm tall, kinda small for a man, his eyes are big and evil, dangerous, his scars were a gift from Zar and from past missions were he failed to protect himself correctly. He has more scars on his torso and so, his favorite dessert is the strawberry cake, and he loves wearing skirts. His hair is very short given he feels this can interfere with his vision, he also doesnt like hair…and well, hes pretty much involved with Spike (Saisk' oc) because damn i love their dynamic. Jhostin has been raised with russian and asian language! That's why his english sometimes, sounds a bit weird (same with Soveigna and Zar), he has a tendency to sketch sometimes but is rarely seen, loves rock bands and yeah he's been everywhere i think. Inside the toppats, the gov, and later in the CCC. Hes also good at dancing (ballet!).

uhhhhhhhhhh and well about my toppats ocs, I have Orion and Alán, Orion is the younger brother of Zar. Who happened to go missing years before he was born, Orion is…the sweetest guy you'll ever meet, he's literally an angel, and has always tried to find options that don't lead to violence, he adores his brother even if they never met, loves his family, loves all the coworkers he's had. Still, he had the objective of finding his brother, he is pretty much good at using computers so hacking and learning about more mafias than just the Toppats was easy for him, he enlisted himself on the forces but when he knew being there wouldnt actually help him with getting to learn about this brother, he just step away from the gov, because he was stuck and making zero progress. Instead he joined the toppats, literally went over there, and presented himself, of course, he is an angel but he does mean things too, ended giving info the gov so he could be acepted, he's part of the communications team, so yeah he did meet Burt, but never shared a word. Orion is very neutral about everything, he just wants his brother back because one part of his family is lost, he's not happy about that. But when chaos starts he's left there with the toppats, and instead knows his brother is alive somewhere so he decides to protect the toppats for the great chaos.

Alán is bolivian, he learned english after travelling to Perú in his youth and spending years there, he finished his studies here and then decided to continue living, until he saw toppats and how they steal and boy he loves stealing so he instantly had to find a way to join them. His hair is afro, and hes literally a thin toppat kind of short, but always tries to smile even if his 24/7 face makes him look like hes º^º

and ough thanks for asking! i hope you enjoyed the ramble cuz i ramble hella lot,,,,,

[omgkalyppso]

I posted this before but deleted it both because I was embarrassed and because I was worried I'd severely fucked up Astarion's age for the nth time, originally referenced from This Post. But I've seen many more analyses and I think it's right. I think it is. Anyway!

EDIT: I DID GET HIS AGE WRONG because that is the post I meant to reference. But I'm not fixing it. 232.

I was tagged by @luinen-bluewater to complete this far simpler ship meme: otp, ot3/4.

Here is the template I actually used: ot3. Here's the otp version.

I'll tag a few people to complete any of the templates referenced: Luinen, @the-eldritch-it-gay, @vlwv, @tadpole-apocalypse, @boghermit, @lemonbronze, @littleplasticrat and YOU.

I'll put the above image chopped up below the cut so it's easier viewing for the curious. And I'll ramble a bit more (bg3 spoilers, discussion of vampirism and character deaths).

In my headcanons, Astarion neither remains a spawn nor becomes the Vampire Ascendant, he becomes a vampire, and some hundreds of years later he turns Étoile to a vampire as well (this post / these headcanons need reviewing after the epilogue changes with the Crown, but we'll see).

With this in mind, I was thinking of Halsin being the longest of their lovers and how Étoile could possibly handle his death:

Étoile and Astarion occupied on some adventure / business or other, and when they return, an unaffected or perhaps impatient messenger has come to deliver news of Halsin's death. And it is so long after the others of their relevant, initial, adventuring party has passed (or maybe not. Lae'zel is a wild card (no aging on the astral plane)). Still, i can imagine one of them snapping. I think it's more interesting if it's Étoile, saying aloud that the messenger is mistaken, that surely the message is that Halsin's ill and is calling to see them a final time — Astarion's near shouting in embarrassment and worry, telling the messenger to go, calling Étoile's name, grabbing their arm until Étoile says loudly that they heard them. They heard what they said. And also sends the poor messenger away.

But then I started considering an alternative which I felt was ooc for Halsin from the base game but which I think is more possible / within the scope of his character after the addition of the epilogue. Reminder that Étoile is a paladin of the neutral evil goddess Auril, started bg3 as neutral good but whom I consider neutral evil, and is an Oathbreaker by the end of their adventure:

Halsin at like 820 or older, life expectancy 700-1000, veering wildly between peace with the natural order of things and intense discomfort with things that feel unfinished, the way they always do. And sometime with Étoile leaned against his chest he speaks of Silvanus, the Oakfather, of children and elders in all families of creatures have come and gone, of how his druidic order has changed more slowly than a tree spreads its roots, and how never in all that time did Étoile ask him to abandon his god and his (god's) comfort for the sake of vampirism and eternity. Fondly, expecting Halsin to imagine it an irritation after his speech, Étoile recalls that Astarion did, three hundred or so years ago. Étoile points out that they know the comfort they found in their worship, and they would never have sought to steal that from him (Halsin). To be a vampire is unnatural, lost to his Oakfather. Halsin points out that he has felt that Étoile has wanted to ask before, even if it has always remained unsaid, in the emptiness in their chest (lack of heartbeat), in the slant of their mouth when his (Halsin's) movement is broken with age, in how they've (Étoile has) breathed in his silver hair the more it's overcome him, something that felt respectful once, but now he's past where his end should have been, and the temptation of rekindling old strengths, the hope of another thousand years, through vampirism, shames him (Halsin) greatly. The selfishness of an old mind. Why wouldn't it have felt like a possibility a hundred years ago, two hundred, more? How could he dare to think of continuing a protection of his forest, of caring for his kin, if he lost all connection to them, and even fears what makes them the same in their morality so much that he would dare forsake it. If he was going to lose his faith, why wouldn't he have done so when he was younger and different, except that he was stronger then, in body and in mind. And yet what difference would there be, feasting upon the wild in the woods? And Étoile would be blunt about the differences, and about how there are even laws now, that they helped put in place. "They" could punish them both greatly for this, but the transformation itself would be their shared shame. He could be their first spawn, and perhaps their only, but if he wanted this now — that it was no corruption of age, just a changed heart. And they would happily accept him into their home if all beasts and men turned from him as a decree from his Oakfather -- but he would have to be sure, because the fallout could be immeasurable. Étoile would try to do it permissably, but they would turn Halsin in secret, if need be. And what if "they" were like. fucking no???? and to ensure you don't do this thing we're going to keep you sealed, either in an area or in a fucking coffin until your druid has passed. (Astarion would lose his fucking mind.)

Abbreviated:

Halsin: what if i've lived long enough to see myself become the villain. Étoile: well my ship has sailed, and you know, if i meet you in hell then it's not hell

I think though that Halsin's village would have warm, clean shelters under the ground, just below the surface as if to shelter from storms, but well-used and familiar to vampires after years of shared knowledge and resources. They'd be glad to claim him.

OH! And Étoile's birthday is Oct 20th (their date of creation during early access was Oct 20 2020), I gave Astarion Sept 22nd (first day of autumn), and Halsin May 13th (he seems like a Taurus and I figured he'd be worn and irksome about having a birthday that often falls on a day associated with bad luck (Friday the 13th)).